With Love and Ancient Cautions: From a Wood Fan to a Strasburg Fan

By Joe Moag

Unto He!

Unto He, the new rookie,
He with an arm fit to hoist Zeus’ bolt,
Fit to slay our past; fit to redeem our degradations.

Unto He, our welcomed savior!
A reprieve from years of ill, from years of doubt,
From years of lowness.

Unto He, the Lifter!
Unto He, the Changer!
Unto He, the Future!

Unto He, Alleviator of this state
Of prolonged exile, of overdue vengeance,
Of our just and righteous payback!

Unto He we place this proof
That our faith, traveled across orphanage and dismissal,
Our Faith, that thing
Which steeled our resolve
To simply stay in the game long enough,

Has borne fruit! It has brought
Him, here, to Us.

No light as bright as this has ever shone, only to
Fall away in wreckage through the dimming of life’s cold onslaughts and hurly-burl!
Immortals don’t flinch, or suffer, or miss their mark – they shine!
Our wait itself is the toil and testament to the surety of this!

This Game and its Gods, who sit high and low,
Sworn sacred to the mischief in their souls
Could never be jealous enough
To make this foreseen future, this deserved fate,
Fall short.

Posted 6/27/10

Cub Relief to Summer’s Daily Grind

By Joe Moag

Our summer game’s true grab
On people’s hearts and minds
Is that after taking crap at work
We turn on Channel 9.

As we finish up our dinners,
As we tuck our kids in bed;
As we plop down on the couch
To try and rest our addled heads;

Len and Bob jump on our screens
And hail the pending win:
“The Cubs are set for battle,
SO LET THE GAME BEGIN!”

By the third, Lee has struck out twice,
Ramirez popped to short;
Theriot has swung through three:
He’s allergic to the walk.

By the fifth our pitcher’s bothered–
After all, he’s done his best;
He’s let in only two runs
But that’s two more than he’ll get.

See Cubs hitters swear their oath
To swing at every pitch!
Regardless of location,
Regardless of “the sitch”!

Swing boys, SWING! is their new mantra
It’s something you can’t teach–
When the bat is flailing wildly
At a pitch that’s out of reach.

By the bottom of the ninth
After three are up and down,
Len and Bob say, “Join us
When tomorrow, ‘it’s back on!’”

Posted 6/23/10

Chicago Still Home of the Blues

by Hilary Barta

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Chicago is singing the blues
The Cubbies continue to lose
Their hitting’s abysmal
The season looks dismal
Don’t stop any presses, not news

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Famed comic-book artist Hilary Barta also runs the site Limerwrecks, with daily limericks posts about comics, film noir, monster movies, and other pop culture items.  

Posted 6/15/2010

Battle of the Bilge

by James Finn Garner
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Chicago’s Crosstown Classic begins,
Will the Cubs or White Sox deliver?
With the Blackhawks back home with the Cup,
These also-rans look like chopped liver.
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Posted 6/11/2010

Dear Alfonso Soriano

by James Finn Garner

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Dear Alfonso, I cannot lie.
You know I’m not that kind of guy.
For I have always had your back,
Even as you whiffed and hacked.
When you swung lumber like a mop
Or broke your foot with your little hop,
I defended you — I DID! —
Saying, “Let the kid just be a kid.”
All the rest demanded skin
But I stood by through thick and thin.
I’ve always been your biggest fan —
But don’t f#@& up like that again!

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Posted 5/14/2010