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Madonna’s Greatest Baseball Hits

By Stuart Shea

I.
Matt Holliday,
Let’s celebrate.
Matt Holliday,
He can hit so nice.

II.
Borderline,
Looks like he’s going to lose his mind
If Jeff Kent keeps striking out
On balls on the borderline.

III.
Cub fans,
The only ones who understand,
They break our heart but we renew…
‘Cause true blue, baby, we love you.

IV.
Some teams chase me, some teams beg me
I think they’re OK,
But if they don’t give ten-year contracts,
I’ll just walk away

They can beg and they can plead
But they can’t make me sign (they whine)
That GM with cold hard cash
Will always bend his spine, he will because we’re

Living in a material game
And I have a material name
You know that we are living in a material game
And I have a material name.

Posted 4/6/08

Posted on

The Ball-Id Of Felix Pie

by Sid Yiddish

No more sliding into home plate
Or running to the walls just to catch foul balls, for Felix Pie.
He’s gotta be careful, as one testicular torsion, has caused a commotion among the locomotion of the league, makes him out as a patsy, a patsy for jest in Cubs blue-ball proportion, but it’s not like he’s been beaned or tagged out, it’s just that, well…
Being grabbed by the ball is no fun at all,
Even after the pain has subsided.

Posted 4/3/08Â