Three Cubs Limericks

by Tim McClure

The Cubs are in a bit of a slump.
Ninety-nine years is a big hump.

Fans want them to win,
And drinking they’ve been,

Waiting in bleachers like chumps.

When the Cubs lose I get mad,
All of my family is sad,

I kick things around,
My mind is not sound,

And life is generally bad.

I so hate it when the Cubs do lose,
And watching, I still do choose.

Forty-year-old sap,
What a load of crap,

I’m just deranged with no clues.

Posted 9/24/07 

1969: Ron Santo Clicked His Heels

by John J. Quirk

“But with the Cubs, no matter what they do, it’s seldom enough.
Wait ‘til next year is here again in August.”
By Mike Kiley, Chicago Sun-Times, August 22, 2005.

Ernie Banks hit another home run.
Billy Williams hit another double.
Ferguson Jenkins pitched another shutout.
At the hot corner, Ron Santo had snagged another smash down the third base line.
Later, at the end of the game, Santo excitedly clicked his heels.
And yet, at the conclusion of a long season, the pennant was lost.

Please Stop Believing

by Tom Latourette and Marty Gangler

(Our apologies to Steve Perry and Journey)

(To hear a recording of this, go to The Beechwood Reporter.)

Just a baseball club, known as the Chicago Cubs,
They haven’t won anything since 1908.
It’s like their fate is sealed, playing there in Wrigley Field.
Fans pray and wait in vain since 1908.

Ivy growing on the outfield walls,
Fans pee in horse troughs, they’ve got no stalls,
“Eamus Catuli,” it says there in right,
The years go on and on and on and on…

Cub fans drinking, all around the Friendly Confines,
Yuppies stumbling in the night,
Bleachers, hot chicks living for inebriation,
Showing great sets of ta-taaaas…

Lou’s kicking dirt all over the place, Zambrano’s punching Barrett’s face,
Hendry paid millions for this year’s team – results will be the same.
For a few short days, they’re in first,
But don’t you know these Cubs are cursed?
Wait till next year never ends,
It goes on and on and on and on…

D-Lee, fighting, couldn’t land his girly punches,
Don’t give Ryan Dempster the ball,
Right quad, Soriano – our heartbreak just around the corner,
Santo still waits for the halllllll…

Please stop believin’
And wake up from your dreaming,
Lovable losers,
They’re the Cubs!

Please stop believin’
For 100 seasons,
“It’s gonna happen”? Who you crapping?
They’re the Cubs!

Posted 9/9/07

Swing Low, Sweet Theriot

by Anonymous

Swing low, sweet Theriot,
Comin’ through to carry me home!

I looked ’round Wrigley and what did I see,
Comin’ through to carry me home!
A line of Cubbies hittin’ after me,
Comin’ through to carry me home!

Swing low, sweet Theriot
Comin’ through to carry me home!

If you get knocked in before I do,
Comin’ through to carry me home!
Jes’ tell Sweet Lou that I’m-a comin’ too,
Comin’ through to carry me home!

Swing low, sweet Theriot,
Comin’ through to carry me home!

I’m sometimes hot and sometimes not,
Comin’ through to carry me home!
But still my bat gives all I got,
Comin’ through to carry me home!

Posted 9/5/2007