by Hilary Barta
Once so hot they could jump in the Lake,
Cubs looked shot as they slumped toward the break.
While Joe Maddon stays placid
We old fans drop antacid
‘Cause we’ve had all the lumps we can take.
All-Star Game Clerihews
Salvador Perez–
No matter what anyone says–
Denies ever sharing a tanning booth
With Dr. Ruth.
Jose Altuve
Is fond of the movies,
Especially those that feature
Brain-eating creatures.
Mike Trout
Sulks and pouts.
As the sole Angel, he doesn’t get very far
With his funny imitation of Yunel Escobar.
Ben Zobrist
Has always been so pissed
At being last alphabetically
That he takes his revenge athletically.
Chicago at the Bat: Both Sides Now
by Hilary Barta
With apologies to Ernest Lawrence Thayer
On the North side and the South side, the sun is shining bright;
“Go, Cubs, Go” and “Na na na na” are heard both day and night;
Both Yuppies and construction guys are given cause to shout;
Yes, there’s joy in two Chicagos — winning baseball’s the new “clout”.
Random Drug Pests
By Hilary Barta
Arrieta keeps throwing the heat
Talking heads say they know he’s a cheat
“Jake has got to be juiced.”
“Guys this hot get a boost.”
They’ll be fed, and it’s crow they will eat.
If you love limericks like every red-blooded American, you need to check out Hilary’s movie-and-pop-culture limerick site, LimerWrecks, every day.
Cubs Home Opener 2016, or “Will Finnegan Win Again?”
By Hilary Barta
Through six it was glum and a grind
Cub hits had become hard to find
Then some runs driven in
And the fun did begin
From the pits to a come-from-behind!