Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
With apologies to Ernest Lawrence Thayer
On the North side and the South side, the sun is shining bright;
“Go, Cubs, Go” and “Na na na na” are heard both day and night;
Both Yuppies and construction guys are given cause to shout;
Yes, there’s joy in two Chicagos — winning baseball’s the new “clout”.
Should one think it gauche
That DH Adam LaRoche
Waits til now to announce he’s retiring?
This lox last hit .207
So, save a bolt from heaven,
This year would be no more inspiring.
The cellar? Owned by the Sox.
They bobbled even their jocks.
Any ball hit was cause for alarm.
Now there’s five guys in right,
Plus Rollins, Avila — good night!
How many weeks til they wear out Sale’s arm?
Farewell, Buehrle,
Never surly,
Perfect game and Series ring.
Sox fans wish you everything.
Huddy, boy, you’ll be missed,
South and north, east and wist.
Auburn, Atlanta, by the Bay,
222 wins ain’t hay.
Jeremy Affeldt said goodbye,
Left the field and maybe cried.
Made some cash, answered the bell,
Made himself some friends as well.
Aramis Ramirez
Hopes for a Seriez.
He’s played a lot of ball,
But not much in the fall.
A.J. Burnett wants the same:
Play more than one October game.
And yes, he really cares
To play a role for the Corsairs.
And who else out there will call it quits
When the uni or job no longer fits?
Or the outright release came?
Who’s played his last game?
Barry Zito? Dan Haren?
A-Rod, Colon, or Beltran?
Latroy Hawkins, Betancourt,
Or some other old man?
Don’t mean nothin’ how much he stanks–
Ventura’s gonna keep on using John Danks.
Don’t even matter how much he tanks,
Or politely mutters “Please” and “Thanks.”
Far be it from me to pull any ranks,
Or attack the clubhouse with guns and shanks,
Or call the sports talk shows pullin’ pranks,
But they’ve gotta have somebody better than Danks.
Never got to see
Parc Jarry.
Ebbets and the Polo Grounds
Remained unfound.
Forbes Field
To me unrevealed.
But I did run with glee
Through old Comiskey
And Tiger Stadium
Was like a palladium
And Milwaukee County
An endless bounty.
Dank, damp, and rusty,
Outmoded and fusty,
But to me much more fun
Than Wrigley, say, has become.