Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Though I had started playing ball
before the fly rule went into effect in ’64,
I earned my unusual nickname,
Death to Flying Things, a few years later
Unlike some later players,
who killed birds with batted or thrown balls,
no living things were harmed
in the earning of my nickname
I got it catching line drives at third base
If you think that’s not enough to earn a nickname,
you should try doing it bare-handed
the way I did
Tony La Russa intentionally walked a batter
with two strikes and two outs
The next guy up hit a homer,
bringing Tony’s mind into doubt.
A head scratching choice
A questionable call
Tony swore the statistics
Would cause the Dodgers to stall.
But the Sox have a plan
to get back on the right track:
Swapping 77-year-old La Russa
for 87-year-old Connie Mack.
(Editor’s Error! This limerick was submitted in June of 2022, but was lost in the Inbox.)
Going from the Yankees to Kansas City officially
was a trade between two big-league teams,
but everyone knew it was more like
being farmed out, with return certain
if the player developed sufficiently,
which is what happened in my case
After my return I experienced
the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat
before that became a sports catchphrase,
both times in a Game Seven:
giving up the walk-off to Mazeroski,
two years later shutting out the Giants, one-nothing
Later, in retirement,
I qualified for the pro golf tour
I think I’m still to this day
the only former major leaguer to do so
Many had pitched as many innings,
or more, in a game before me
(adrenaline and nicotine kept me going),
but no one before, or since,
has struck out as many in a game
Yet very few fans know who I am:
I was anonymous long before
the anonymity of the grave
Though I can’t prove it definitively,
I’ll always believe
the more-than-two-hundred pitches
I threw in that game contributed
to my elbow problems the next year,
but no one forced me to stay in the game,
and I would have fought being taken out
I’m not the billionaire owner
I was a catcher in the 1910s
I wasn’t much of a hitter,
though I was a pretty good defensive catcher;
the Big Train liked to have me catch him,
so that should tell you something
But being a backup backstop
wasn’t the most secure employment,
so I eagerly joined the Fraternity
when Dave Fultz formed it,
and I was active in the union,
serving as Washington’s player representative
The Lords weren’t having unionism,
even, and maybe especially, those
who had been active in earlier baseball unions
but were now in positions of power
And I was run out of the league,
and then run out of the majors a year later,
the eternal fate of the non-star
who dares to stand up for his and others’ rights
