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All Right, a Few More Limericks to Pile on Barry

The Barry Bonds Limerick Trilogy: “Three Strikes and Yer Out!”

by Lou Carlozo

Canto One:
Farewell, Barry Bonds, Mr. Droider!
With a noggin as big as a goiter.

Can you take 30 years
Worth of jailbird jeers

In the prison yard parks where you’ll loiter?

Canto Two:
How many home runs could I pump
If I took 90 shots to my rump?

73 in a season?
It must stand to reason

Ask Barry–that Balco-ball chump.

Canto Three:
If Barry partook of the ‘droids,
It’s a cinch his career is destroyed.

Needles stuck in his ass,
Now he’s in a morass–

Strike three, ’cause the Feds are annoyed.

.

The Ho of Fame

by James Finn Garner

If Barry needed any incitement
To confess, now here’s his indictment.

Else, to prison he’ll go
To be someone’s ho,

Where anal rape’s the daily excitement.

.

Back in the News

By Doug White

Barry Bonds is back in the news
On CNN, Fox and even “The View”.

Though reporters have hedged
And say “it’s alleged”,

Everyone knows this time he’s through.

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Ode To Willie Mays’ God-Boy AKA The Juice

by Sid Yiddish

Say hey, Willie! Say hey!

Your god-boy Barry is a true filly when it comes to being the next king of swat,
But it won’t matter much, ‘coz he lost his touch, once he started fillin’ up on THE JUICE.

Just like Sammy Sosa and young Mark McGwire, whose Louisvilles were on fire in that great summer of ’98, setting’ new swat records, fillin’ up on THE JUICE.

But THE JUICE is a noose and it only gets tighter, makes the swinger a
singer all the way to the bank, year after year after year, which is until THE JUICE starts to fizz

And the smacking goes to intermittent rain delays down on the field that so many play-by-play color-men describe as “dismal.”

But it’s no matter, Willie, for this boy is your pride and joy, and his greatness will never cause you fatigue.

Still.

Eyebrows will be raised across the league,
The young and the old will debate.

Ruth vs. Aaron, vs. Bonds vs. Mantle vs. Gehrig vs. Sosa vs. McGwire vs. A-Rod vs. any other future famer that is still left intact after they’ve had THE JUICE.

All seems so iffy if you ask me (but you don’t).

So.

Say hey, Willie! Say hey!
There will come the day when THE JUICE will dry up and blow away and all those swingers will age prematurely and become arthritic cripples and bent and lame in their retirement,
Just like you did sadly, dear Willie,
Just like you, without THE JUICE.

Posted 10/17/07

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What to Feel About Rick Ankiel?

by James Finn Garner

Need a sad story? Check out Rick Ankiel,
Whose August exploits made Redbird fans feel
Like jumping for joy. Years past, after Rick’s

Stint as a St Louis hurler had passed,
He traded the mound for some outfield grass.
He leaped and he ran, and when swinging his stick,

He rang up the runs like a pinball machine.
Now there’s suspicion he’s not playing clean.
His once-mighty bat is now a limp wick.

While there’s no proof yet Rick took hGH,
The mess helped derail the Cards’ pennant stretch,
And this feel-good story now makes you feel sick.

Posted 9/25/07

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Barry Bonds’ Last Chance

by Liam Garner (aged 12)

Barry L. Bonds was the home run best
‘Til someone showed up with a sweet little test
By the FDA, the steroid test latest
That proved that the reason he was the greatest
Was a drug dose that let him cream the gamers,
So the only way he will break in with the ‘Famers
Is if he sneaks in, breaks a door with his arms
And sneaks out with some loot under all the alarms.

Posted 9/19/07 

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Salute to the Big Man, Dmitri Young

by Stu Shea

How can a man like Dmitri Young
Show such talent at bat?
He’s built like a jumbo marshmallow sundae
Topped by a tiny toy hat.

Of course, Babe Ruth was no Adonis,
And Mike LaValliere made his rounds.
Smokey Burgess, Ernie Lombardi,
Both weighed at least 500 pounds.

But in an age of hGH and “vitamin shots,”
It’s nice to see a guy like Young
Do so well with the physique he’s got.
When he lets it all hang, it’s fat that’s hung.

Posted 9/14/2007