Poor Timmy! Zonked by a double whammy
When he chose to throw hands with Joe Rami.
First Jose’s right hook
Left him cold as a chinook
And on the way down he twisted both hammies!
(Not really, but admit it, Sox fans — you still felt compelled to double-check.)
When I was pitching in the minors
I threw the pitch that killed Charles Pinkney
I was very much affected by it:
it showed me a baseball career, and even life itself,
isn’t guaranteed to anyone,
and also led me to fight for what I believed in
I pitched little more than an inning
for the Red Sox in 1912 and was ineffective,
so they sent me out to Jersey City
A couple months later Boston wanted to sell me
to a different minor-league team in Denver,
but said I would have to negotiate a new salary
Denver wouldn’t pay me what I was due under my contract;
I said I would accept the lower salary
only if Boston would make up the difference
They refused to do so, and also refused
to let me buy my release,
after first agreeing to let me do so
I refused to report to Denver and,
with the assistance of the Fraternity,
sued for the balance of the salary due me
It took many years, but I finally won,
by which time, through interest and penalties,
the amount I had originally sought
had grown to a considerably larger sum
And that wasn’t my only fight
I got back to the bigs in 1914
and pitched decently but was traded during the season
The second team refused to pay me
the $240 bonus promised in the contract
I again went to the National Commission
and again they ordered the promised payment
Those two challenges were two strikes against me;
baseball didn’t give me a third strike:
I was never again offered a major-league contract
I don’t begrudge the current players:
having to deal with those who run major-league teams,
they earn whatever they get
Old bay city with a baseball team
Once the home of Moneyball
Playing in what looks like an airplane hangar
Or Appalachian shopping mall
But the owner doesn’t think he’s milking enough
Fields a team full of losers and scrubs
And dares the local fans if they’ve had enough
A’s to Las Vegas! A’s to Las Vegas!
Old city sort of offered a deal
But Vegas had a lot more flash
Fisher didn’t get as rich as he is
By expending his own cash
East Bay lore disappears in smoke
Swingin’ A’s, Bash Brothers tossed in a poke
Nevada taxpayers, get ready to choke…
A’s to Las Vegas! A’s to Las Vegas!
Sin City got them legal hookers,
All-day casinos and sports book bookers,
Booze, coke, poppers and meth,
Donny Osmond, Penn & Teller,
And machine gun rental…
Sitting at a ballgame?
They might as well check if you’re dead!
So money talks and bullshit walks
An old credo, tried and true,
Leverage turns soon into blackmail
While the regular guys get screwed
Get ready for baseball the Vegas way
The rock-hard infield is ready to play
And more empty seating than Tampa Bay
A’s to Las Vegas! A’s to Las Vegas! A’s to … A’s to … Las Vegas!
