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True North

by James Finn Garner

“Make Canada the 51st state!”
Brays a thief-liar-rapist in hate.
Compassionate, fair,
Straight-up, self-aware–
Canucks are all things he ain’t.

With my bear buddy, Buddy Brown Bear, at a Vancouver Canadians game, June 2023.

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Life is Good

by James Finn Garner

Winter’s been raw as a campout in Banff,
Your new basement walls are moldy and damp,
Your curtains caught fire from a knocked-over lamp —
.      Relax!
.      Pitchers and catchers are reporting to camp.

Your check-writing hand’s developed a cramp,
Your bills are all due and you ain’t got a stamp,
Creditors cling to your neck like a clamp —
.      Smile!
.      Pitchers and catchers are reporting to camp.

Your yard is now split by a new freeway ramp,
Your son is engaged to a gold-digging tramp,
Your “guitar hero” neighbor’s just bought a new amp —
.      Life is good!
.      Pitchers and catchers are reporting to camp.

 

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MLB All-Valentines-Day Team

1B   Pete Roses
2B   Cupid Childs
SS    Jake Flowers
3B   Candy Jim Taylor

LF   Barry Bon-Bonds
CF   Candy Maldonado
RF   Eros “Country” Slaughter

C    Gabby Heartnett

LHP   Slim Love, Vance Lovelace, Richard Lovelady
RHP   Ben Flowers, Bill Monbouquette, Vicente Amor

MGR   Bobby Valentine