Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Macchiato, red eye, cortado —
All the same to José Alvarado.
To retire a team
Requires caffeine.
A Starbucks? To him: El Dorado!
The Phils reliever starts his day with 6 espressos and drinks up to 10 coffee drinks every day, according to The Athletic.
RIP Octavio Dotel (1973-2025), who died last week after a roof collapsed at a concert he was attending in Santo Domingo, DR.
New York. Houston. Oakland.
When they called
New York Yankees.
(and they kept calling)
Kansas City. Atlanta. Chicago.
I picked up my stuff and left.
Pittsburgh. LA. Denver.
(they still kept calling)
Toronto. St. Louis. Detroit.
My bag of tricks.
By the last season
someone guessed I’d played
with 25 percent of the active players
One out of every four
A lot of friends
Maybe some enemies?
A lot of stops
A lot of life
¡Salud!
1B Scotty Barr
2B Rougned Odo
SS Troi Tulowitzki
3B Rom Santo
LF Chekhov Lemon
CF Kirby Picard
RF Captain Kirk Gibson
C Glenn Borgmann, Jean-Luc Pickles Dillhoefer
LHP Tom Gorn-zelanny, Carlos Rodónberry
RHP Ricky Bones, Rob Tribble, Seven of Nino Espinosa, Tommy Wrath of Kahnle
MGR Spocky Anderson
Grand Nagus Rom of the Ferengi
Something didn’t sit right with Cody
That blue cheese dip last night was grotty
Puking Buffalo-style
Nukes him a while
So he won’t face Skubal in the coldy.
Signing up for another hitch
To field a nine to hit and pitch
My squad last year just up and died
Reckless with my baseball pride
Where’s my Mantle off the farm?
My rotation always finds bum arms
And my whizbang keystone pair
Can muster neither clue nor prayer
. In my fog all the stats
. Become an acronym loop
. WHIP, FIP, GO/AO, BABIP–
. Wait, isn’t BABIP Korean soup?
Every morning, I link in,
Despite my trades, always sinking.
Why should I let it get me down?
Someone’s gotta be the Browns.
