Fantasy Baseball Nightmare

by James Finn Garner

Signing up for another hitch
To field a nine to hit and pitch
My squad last year just up and died
Reckless with my baseball pride

Where’s my Mantle off the farm?
My rotation always finds bum arms
And my whizbang keystone pair
Can muster neither clue nor prayer

.    In my fog all the stats
.    Become an acronym loop
.    WHIP, FIP, GO/AO, BABIP–
.    Wait, isn’t BABIP Korean soup?

Every morning, I link in,
Despite my trades, always sinking.
Why should I let it get me down?
Someone’s gotta be the Browns.

MLB All-St. Patrick’s Day Team

1B  Hank Greenberg
2B  Grant Green
SS  Pumpsie Green
3B  Andy Green

LF  Mike Greenwell
CF  Lenny Green
RF  Danny Green

C     Charlie Greene

LHP  Chris Green
RHP  Clarence Beers, Jameson Taillon, Suds Sutherland

MGR  Dallas Green

 

Ash Wednesday

By James Finn Garner

If you want to bash,
The bat you need is ash.

Any sentient ape’ll
Tell you to reject maple.

Waving around some hickory
Is no way to victory.

Maybe at a minimum,
Settle for aluminum.

But if you want a healthy slash
Line, I again opine: ASH!

Rickey Henderson

RIP to the greatest lead-off hitter of all time. (12/25/58-12/20/24)

Rickey came on Christmas Day
Rickey born in a cab that day
Rickey lightning on the field
Rickey is the Man of Steal
Rickey wins with all his teams
Rickey says what Rickey means
Rickey never gonna quit
Rickey too legit to quit
Rickey slowing down? Never!
Rickey gonna run forever.