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MLB All-Rudolph-The-Red-Nosed-Reindeer Team

1B   Steve Christmas
2B   Cupid Childs
SS   Dancerby Swanson
3B   Minnie “the Cuban Comet” Miñoso

LF   Tim Raines-deer
CF   Rudolph Ash
RF   Foghorn Bradley

C    Ken Rudolph

DH  Donner Baylor

LHP   Lee Dashner, Al Clauss
RHP   Josh Fogg, Joe “Blitzen” Benz, Bill Slayback

MGR   Santa Alomar

Comet illustrated by John Hartwell.

When looking for an image to accompany this team, I found that Baseball Reference had created a lineup and player trading cards for all of Santa’s team. Check out this fun idea from 2014. 

And have a merry Christmas, Bardballers!

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The Final Frames are Finished

by James Finn Garner

The season’s done, the nights grow cold,
The best and worst of us grow old,
The Dodgers exult, the White Sox are hiring,
So let’s salute those players retiring.

Kyle Hendricks, beloved Cub
Now joins Denny’s Breakfast Club.

Joey Votto will still spread joy
Like a precocious, Pepsi-fueled boy.

Andrew McCutchen, with graceful ease,
Can now sleep in whenever he please.

In ’16 Jason Heyward got his ring,
Now he can orate on any old thing.

And old Rich Hill now takes the pill
Solely for his aches and ills.

Thank you, men, for the sounds and sights
That helped us pass our summer nights.
When the Hot Stove League convenes with friends,
We can say we saw you when.

 

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Get Me Rewrite!

by James Finn Garner

The Tinseltown Team looking fab
The Bombers in line for the slab
Then a flick of the wrist
A storyline twist
And our hope for more games gets a jab.

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Homeward Bound

Sung to the tune of the Simon & Garfunkel song

I’m sitting here at second base
Was patient with the Dodgers’ ace
Mmm-mmmm
At last I found a pitch to hit
Hope my teammates find some grit
Not asking for a new Mike Schmidt
Just one at-bat where they don’t quit

Homeward bound
I wish I was homeward bound

Home, oh my legs are twitching
Home, but the Dodgers’ pitching
Home, my Yanks bewitching
Staring at strike three…

Be it Soto, Chisholm, Aaron Judge,
Can someone come through in the clutch?
Mmm-mmmm
What a time to lose their steam
Can’t blame the fans for venting spleens
Does Boonie even have a scheme?
Feel like I’m in a Freudian dream

Homeward bound
I wish I was homeward bound.

Home, oh my legs are twitching
Home, but the Dodgers’ pitching
Home, my Yanks bewitching
Staring at strike three…