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July Sale Days

by James Finn Garner

It’s July Sale Days with the New York Mets!
Come on down — it’s as good as it gets!

Robertson, closer (we call him Dave),
So many games for you he’ll save!

Look under the hood of our starter Max,
Good despite mileage, and that’s a fact!

Everybody wants a Tommy Pham!
(Sorry, Chisox, no warranty on hams)

Verlander’s on his second career–
Try for a third? You’ll find him here!

Crazy Billy Eppler’s ready to trade!
Start planning your World Series Parade!

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Minor League Letter Home

by James Finn Garner

Based on an incident witnessed on June 13, 2023, in a game between the Vancouver Canadians and the Hillsboro Hops.

I’m having a swell time, Pops,
Behind the plate for the Hillsboro Hops,
And speaking of swell,
I might rest a spell
After catching a foul tip in the knob.

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All-Star Clerihews #4 — Clerihews and the Dial of Destiny

Lourdes Gurriel
Knows Seattle well.
He loves their seafood and coffee thing
And wants to attend Wagner’s “Ring.”

Bryce Elder
Spends the off-season as a gelder.
Separating boars from their testes
Keeps him at his besties.

Spencer Strider
Has a thing about spiders.
Even though his last name does that Middle Earth thing,
He can’t bear to sit through “Lord of the Rings.”

Justin Steele
“Has a heart just like a wheel,
“Let him roll it to you.”
(He’s a big Macca fan, too.)

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All-Star Clerihews #3 — Clerihews and the Last Crusade

Marcus Semien
Is happy to be a simian.
Can’t imagine being a cat, a cow or a fish
If a genie gave him three wishes.

Nick Castellanos
Thinks he could totally take Thanos,
Darkseid, Kang, the Joker and Lex
Luthor (hmmm, a superiority complex?).

Camilo Doval
Loves music atonal.
Get him started on Anton Webern
Only if you have time to burn.

Lars Nootbaar
Is buying a root farm,
Gonna grow some carrots, beets, and parsnips.
“Root for my rutabagas!” he quips.