by James Finn Garner
The nicknames of old were top-notch
“Shoeless Joe,” “Iron Horse” — guys to watch!
But a colorful name’s
No sure lock on fame–
look how few remember “Old Swampcrotch.”
How’s It Feel, Akil?
by James Finn Garner
Tigers outfielder Akil Baddoo
Tried to stretch one base into two
Was hit near the base
In his own carapace
A two-bagger, one-sacker miscue.
This Team Isn’t Panicking
By James Finn Garner
This team isn’t panicking
There’s plenty of season left–
Though for piddling away Spring Training
We’re really quite bereft
This team isn’t panicking
There’s plenty of season left–
We might lack in fundamentals but
In dodging blame, we’re deft
This team isn’t panicking
There’s plenty of season left–
From our days in Double A you’d say
Most of us have regressed
This team isn’t panicking
There’s plenty of season left–
What is Time, anyway, huh?
A false construct, at best
This team isn’t panicking
There’s plenty of season left–
Just string together some victories
And we’ll put this issue to rest.
MLB All-Workers-of-the-World-Unite! Team
1BÂ Marx Texeira
2BÂ Stalin Castro
SSÂ Lenyn Sosa
3BÂ Pinko Higgins
LFÂ Apparatchik Hafey
CFÂ Adam Engels
RFÂ Fellow Traveler Jankowski
CÂ Â Roy Partee Member
RHP Red Ruffing, Red Faber, Red Patterson
LHP Lefty Grove, Lefty Holmes, Lefty Calhoun, Lefty Gomez, Lefty O’Doul
MGR Commie Mack
A Monumental Anniversary
by James Finn Garner
In honor of the first game at the original Yankee Stadium.
A century ago, in the debuth
Of his eponymous stadium, Ruth
Hit the inaugural tater,
Auguring the later
Parade of glory under that roof.
