by James Finn Garner
Atlanta’s a squadron in need
Of pitching to keep up to speed
But Morton’s cracked limb
Has made prospects dim
And who knows what’s wrong with Max Fried?
I Cannot Tell a Fibula
by James Finn Garner
Atlanta’s mound ace Charlie Morton
Was handling Houston, cutting and sorting
He then broke his leg
But pitched one more set!
Yet here I am, barely surviving the morning.
The Latest Retirements
by James Finn Garner
As the chill picks up and the trees change colors,
Let us pause and salute these talented fellers.
Justin Pedroia, one of Boston’s stalwarts,
Can now roam the basement in his robe and shorts.
With the departure of Ryan Braun,
Pharma stock prices trending down.
In 2007, Daisuke was Boston’s man.
Ten years later, he had a comeback in Japan.
No more tools of ignorance for Alex Avila,
The sometime nemesis of base-stealahs.
One more Greek gone, Nick Markakis–
Our yia-yias shout, “Nick, don’t forsake us!”
They call Jordan Zimmerman “Mr. Nat”
Now his wife gets to tell him, “Scat!”
But the last name on our list is the best:
We can finally say adios to Joe West.
Clerihews, NLCS Game 5
Max Fried
Was in need
Of a tourniquet
Last night, the way he got hit.
AJ Pollock
Gave the pill a wallop
And made Dodgers fans scream
In Chavez Ravine.
Albert Pujols
Didn’t hit it between the poles
But still put on a show
Of knowing what he knows.
Chris Taylor
Like an old-time New England whaler
Salvaged the good ship S.S. Dodger
Sailing under a blue-and-white Jolly Roger.
Boston Massacre
Sure, Diaz was blind as a bat
Both teams benefited from that
But knock your guys in
Or you won’t get the win
“Men stranded”, the most meaningful stat.