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MLB All-Pizza-Toppings Team

1B   Anchovy Rizzo
2B   Jake Cauli-Flowers
SS   Artichoke Fletcher
3B   Pepper Peploski

LF   Pepperoni Martin
CF   Kyle Garlick
RF   Shin-Soo Shroom

C     Manny Jala-Piña
PH   Crusty Staub

LHP   Tayler Saucedo, Eddie Bacon, Bud Black Olives
RHP   Pete Hamm, Mark Hamburger, Roy Parmesanlee

MGR   Lou Pineapple

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No Pride to Be Had in Dallas

by James Finn Garner

Each June, ball teams celebrate
Their fanbase’s diversity
It’s just marketing, sure,
But also visibility

All teams, that is, save the Rangers
Who’ve never held a Pride night
Dallas likes to keep things orderly,
Straight and oh-so white

I once thought things were big in Texas
That cliche’s an inanity
Big hats, big boots, big tits and hair
But a puny view of humanity.

New York NY, 2019 via MLB.com

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MLB All-New-Wave Team

1B   Pop Joy Division
2B   Echo and the Bunnyman Downs
SS   Split Enzo Hernández
3B   Jimmie Fixx

LF   Cars Yastrzemski
CF   Denard Spandau Ballet
RF   Max Flack of Seagulls

C   Tuffy Darts Gosewisch

LHP   Jesse English Beat, Roberto Durán Durán
RHP   Louis Talking Head, Vern Tears for Fear, Dave Soft Sells

MGR   Blondie Purcell