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“Polish Baseball Power”

by Sig Sakowicz

Sig Sakowicz (1924-2004) was a legendary Chicago TV and radio personality who wore his own Polish heritage on his sleeve. He hosted a show on WGN from 1954 to 1971 and then became a TV celebrity in Las Vegas. This piece – in which Sig recounted every Polish-American to don a baseball uniform, up to the point of this record (1970) – gained such fame that in 1980 the Baseball Hall of Fame requested a copy to be displayed in Cooperstown. It was written by Al Trace and produced by Gordon Wagner for the Mishawaka, IN-based Mishawaka label.

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MLB All-Punk Team

1B   Art Sham-69-sky
2B   Ramóns Santiago
SS   Dickies Thon
3B   Woody English Beat

LF   Akil Baddoo Brains
CF   Jack Voigt-doids
RF   UK Subby Byas

C   Art New York Dolls

LHP   Mike Minor Threat, Joe Dead Kennedys
RHP   X-Ray Specs Roberts, Buzzcocks Capra

MGR   Bob Melvins

 

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Whitey Herzog

by James Finn Garner

We salute a skipper named Whitey
Who plugged in Vince and Willie and Ozzie
He saw defense and speed
Were St. Louis’ need
‘Twas Whiteyball made Whitey quite mighty.

“I came here in last place and I leave here in last place. I left them right where I started.” RIP to the White Rat.

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Taxing Our Patience

by James Finn Garner

As all us plebs pay the tax man,
You owners need to face some facts, man.

In suites with well-heeled sponsors and friends,
You claim your team pays civic dividends

Then you say you need new parks resplendent?
We fans should claim you as a dependent.

Taxes and slush are your basic income,
We ask for returns and you play dumb.

When voters at last come to their senses,
You scream and whine and talk moving expenses.

Pigs at the trough, courting our elected hoes —
Whatever way it’s adjusted is gross.