by James Finn Garner
.
Ken Williams wasn’t skeevy
About getting Jake Peavy.
Though he’s got a bum ankle
And his record should rankle,
He’ll spare us the terrors
Of Jose Contreras.
Published 8/11/09
No Matter How Good
by Stu Shea
.
No matter how good
Or no matter how much,
We all know that know A-Rod can’t hit in the clutch.
Ignore how he’s gotten
The Yanks out of dutch.
The guys say that A-Rod can’t hit in the clutch.
They’ll wave their statistics
And say such and such,
But we know that A-Rod can’t hit in the clutch.
The radio told us,
And they’ve got the touch.
That’s how we know he can’t hit in the clutch.
All those smart guys can go back
And hide in their hutch.
‘Cause I say that A-Rod can’t hit in the clutch.
Obama is Kenyan!
Health care’s a crutch!
And I know that A-Rod can’t hit in the clutch!
.
Stu’s new book, Pink Floyd FAQ, containing everything you’ve ever wanted to know about Pink Floyd, is out now. Buy it in bookstores or on the web. Do it. Now.
Posted 8/10/2009
Ode to Scott Podsednik
by James Finn Garner
.
Scottie Pods, Scottie Pods,
What were the chances?
Oh, what were the odds?
Cut by the Rockies because you’re too old–
Your step getting heavy, your bat growing cold–
The Pale Hose invite you back into the fold
And you climb your way back like the grinder of old.
Fans love a player still hungry and bold
Who refuses to note for whom the bell’s tolled.
In the hot summer night, the scoreboard explodes
As you dig hard to mine one more season of gold.
Scottie Pods, Scottie Pods,
What were the chances?
Oh, what were the odds?
.
Posted 8/6/2009
Mark Buehrle’s Perfect Game (In the Fewest Possible Syllables)
by James Finn Garner
Seven and
Twenty men
Set down in
Succession.
A brilliant
Feat, made of
Equal parts
Skill, luck, and
DeWayne Wise.
Posted 7/29/2009
Twin Killing
By Stuart Shea
When they finally knock down the Metrodome,
And the Twins move to their new outdoor home,
Will fielders lose balls in the sun and goof,
The way they did in the Teflon roof?
Published 7/22/09