Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
1BÂ Â Canadian Goose Tatum
2BÂ Â Pumpsie Spice Green
SSÂ Â Luke Caramel Appling
3BÂ Â Alex Decorative Gourdon
LFÂ Â Tail Gates Brown
CFÂ Â Walt “Turtleneck” Williams
RF  Félix Pumpkin Pié
CÂ Â Â Moses Fleecewood Walker
LHPÂ Â Cliff Leefpile, Matt S’Moore
RHPÂ Â Boof Bonfire, Aaron Rakers
MGRÂ Â Hot Cyder Young
With apologies to Robert Frost
Some say the game will end with Nicky,
Some say Bryce.
From what I’ve seen of players gritty
I hold with those who favor Nicky.
But if it had to happen twice,
Say, if the game was going late,
I know that for destruction Bryce
Is also great
And would suffice.
(To the tune of that old song by Poison)
That Charlie Hustle had more hits
No one can deny
With that Dorothy Hammill haircut
We’d watch that face-first slide
He was one of the sparks of the Big Red Machine
Putting a little down on the side
Then he lied about it all
How he lied
That’s why it’s clear
Pete Rose won’t get in the hall
Ain’t no chance of it at all
Just like Shoeless Joe won’t get the commissioner’s call
Pete Rose won’t get in the hall
He signed Rule 21 at the start of every year
It read “No Gambling” but some of that wasn’t clear
I guess he didn’t hear
Thought he could lead the team
But his ears worked right
When he asked at night, “You swear that you’re 16?”
Pete Rose won’t get in the hall
Ain’t no chance of it at all
Just like Shoeless Joe won’t get the commissioner’s call
(Not just ‘cuz they’re dead)
Pete Rose won’t get in the hall
After Skubal slaps, shouts and shoves,
Hinch’s lineup card says “Any of the above.”
Starters, middle, bullpen?
“Pitching chaos” is in
A squad cardiac doctors can love.
Catching young Tiger pitchers, ol’ Jake
Rogers knows what each at-bat takes.
Low and out, high and in
He has learned what will win
When he calls for a pitch, please don’t shake.
