by Jim Siergey, Greg Simetz and James Finn Garner
RIP to Bob Uecker and David Lynch
MLB All-Rudolph-The-Red-Nosed-Reindeer Team
1B Steve Christmas
2B Cupid Childs
SS Dancerby Swanson
3B Minnie “the Cuban Comet” Miñoso
LF Tim Raines-deer
CF Rudolph Ash
RF Foghorn Bradley
C Ken Rudolph
DH Donner Baylor
LHP Lee Dashner, Al Clauss
RHP Josh Fogg, Joe “Blitzen” Benz, Bill Slayback
MGR Santa Alomar
Comet illustrated by John Hartwell.
When looking for an image to accompany this team, I found that Baseball Reference had created a lineup and player trading cards for all of Santa’s team. Check out this fun idea from 2014.
And have a merry Christmas, Bardballers!
The Final Frames are Finished
by James Finn Garner
The season’s done, the nights grow cold,
The best and worst of us grow old,
The Dodgers exult, the White Sox are hiring,
So let’s salute those players retiring.
Kyle Hendricks, beloved Cub
Now joins Denny’s Breakfast Club.
Joey Votto will still spread joy
Like a precocious, Pepsi-fueled boy.
Andrew McCutchen, with graceful ease,
Can now sleep in whenever he please.
In ’16 Jason Heyward got his ring,
Now he can orate on any old thing.
And old Rich Hill now takes the pill
Solely for his aches and ills.
Thank you, men, for the sounds and sights
That helped us pass our summer nights.
When the Hot Stove League convenes with friends,
We can say we saw you when.
Things That Will Stand Always
Mighty English oaks
Old cowpokes
The Roman Colosseum
A beautiful Te Deum
The Straits of the Bosphorus
What’s left of Ozymandias
Grooving Memphis Soul
And Gerrit Cole
Get Me Rewrite!
by James Finn Garner
The Tinseltown Team looking fab
The Bombers in line for the slab
Then a flick of the wrist
A storyline twist
And our hope for more games gets a jab.
