Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
“I don’t really miss a lot about Cleveland.”
What Trevor Bauer says may be true
And after his hissy fits and
Hurling the ball to the outfield and
Arguing with a young fan on Twitter and
Getting that fan stalked by death threats and
Notching a plus-8 ERA with the Reds…
Maybe Cleveland feels the same about you.
Freddie Freeman
Plays “Mario Kart” like a demon
But goes down in flames
In single-shooter games.
Scooter Gennett
Prefers natural rennet,
If you please,
When he makes his off-season cheese.
Buster Posey
Thinks everything’s rosy
In the City by the Bay,
But he doesn’t read the paper every day.
Luis Severino
Pitches like a vintage Ford Torino,
Which means in between starts,
It’s hard to find replacement parts.
I love to see my Cards team win
But the Reds are so bad, it’s a sin
That stadium’s bare
No fans in the chairs
Looks like they’re losing again.
When wintry winds cause batsmen
All to whiff and to wail,
They’re laughed off by a moundsman
Whose name is Rich Gale.
While batters may wish it were dry
And comfortably warm,
The winds won’t bother a Davis
With a first name like Storm.
When the field becomes mired
In a swampy wet bog
And the sky is grayed o’er,
Make the call to Josh Fogg.
If the weather gets so bad
Fans all need to take cover,
You need a staff with Jim Coates
And, of course, Gary Glover.
Did Vida Blue
ever pitch to
Dick Brown?
Did Bill White
ever fight
with Bud Black?
Was Dallas Green
ever mean
to Tyler Houston?
Did Mike Trout
ever dine out
with Tim Salmon?
Did Martinez, Carmelo
ever have Mark Lemongello
for dessert?