Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
On the ’66 Dodgers
I was the youngster on a staff of mostly veterans,
and I learned all I could from them
I couldn’t learn to throw a fastball or curve
like Koufax, that’s something that can’t be taught
But there were a couple of others
I could and did learn some tricks from
(wink wink)
I won’t rat them out even posthumously;
they know who they are,
and they have my eternal gratitude
There once was a Dodger named Sutton
Whose pitches were right on the button
But when in a pinch
Sandpaper he’d clinch
And give the baseball a good scuffin’.
Wind-up, mound misstep
tumble ass over kettle
Internet snickers
Mike Moustakas
Shakes air-maracas
When he sets his phone to play
“Not Fade Away.”
Anthony Rendon
Is bad to the bone
A little George Thoroughgood
Puts him in a killer mood.
George Springer
Is adroit with dingers
And often later
Brings more taters.
Hunter Pence
Is still intense
But has learned to be discrete
In the Texas heat.
Pete Alonso
In the HR Derby goes gonzo
But he’d never stoop to flay
A beat reporter from Newsday.
Yusmani Grandal
Thinks the Rock N Roll Hall
Of Fame lacks any substance,
But he still wants to see George Clinton’s “Atomic Dog” pants.
Tommy LaStella
Is just a reg’lar fella
Who’d gladly have a beer and a bump
In any Ohio low-rent dump.
Mookie Betts
Likes to bring his pets–
Some anoles and a cane toad–
With him on the road.