Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Jackie and Willie and many others
helped bring the stolen base back to the game;
I did my part, especially in the Series
I saw the asterisk nonsense
the Commissioner pulled
with Maury Wills and Roger Maris
and I vowed that wouldn’t happen with me
I know it was a different commissioner,
but I wasn’t taking any chances
on him issuing a similar ruling,
and I succeeded.
I had been in the Cardinals organization
as a player, a coach, and a manager
for most of my adult life,
but when they got rid of Bing in August ’64
I sensed I would be the next to go
if we didn’t win the pennant
My hunch was confirmed a few weeks later
with reports of Gussie meeting with Durocher
The Yankees were going to fire Yogi
if they didn’t come back and win the pennant,
so I was open to their backchannel overtures
You know what happened:
the Yankees won the flag but fired Yogi anyway
after we beat them in the Series
Gussie decided to give me a new contract,
but at the press conference to announce it
I handed him the resignation letter
I had been carrying around for weeks
and a few days later took the Yankees job
Biggest mistake of my life:
I was a Cardinal and should have stayed so
I wasn’t cut out for New York or the Yankees,
they fired me early in the ’66 season,
and I died within a year
The season is done, the jocks are stored
Only two teams are left on the board
Let’s pause now, while for Friday we wait,
And salute the retirements of a few greats.
Pujols hit his 700th for the Cards
And now will have time to work on his yard.
Bosox and Cubs champ Jon Lester
Now is an official hammock tester.
Music lover Kurt Suzuki
Can learn the banjo or bouzouki
After the majors, Ádrian González played on
But after this year, A-Gon done gone.
Melky Cabrera, the man and the myth,
Will star in community theater: “The Melkman Cometh.”
And if anyone’s looking for J.A. Happ,
He’s out on the patio, taking a nap.
Managers do make a difference
Not in the way sportswriters thought,
by making brilliant strategic decisions
to outwit the opposing manager;
the difference was instilling confidence
by treating us as human beings.
On the Cardinals the change
from Solly Hemus, an old-school racist,
to Johnny Keane, one of the best human beings
I was fortunate enough to meet,
was dramatic for me, Curt,
and the rest of the team, even Stan
Without that change there would have been
none of the October heroics I became known for,
because we wouldn’t have made it to October
To the 700 home run goup
We can add Pujols with a whoop
After that crank
He joins Babe, Bonds and Hank
And our joy in the game we recoup.
