Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Two weeks of contests in Paris
Of every conceivable style
Athletes honed like hardened steel
Ladecky, Tebogo, Yee, Li, Biles
What focus and determination
To swim, box, dive, run, throw
Pushing their mental endurance
And how far their bodies can go
They remind me of what John Kruk
Once told a hotel lobby hater.
He said, “Lady, I ain’t an athlete–
I’m a baseball player.”
(for Roy Halladay, 1977-2017)
how are you doing
wherever you ended up?
do you still fly above as your son follows in your footsteps
waving at him every so often?
did you ever see your own plaque at our mecca?
maybe you do, but then again
we as fans project our hopes and hard-owned money onto our faves
is it any surprise when we discover they have a daredevil on their shoulder instead of a chip
to motivate their game?
Ollie Shane is the author of the chapbook I Do It So It Feels Like Hell (Bottlecap Press, 2022) and the forthcoming full-length notes from the void (Wild Ink Publishing, 2025). He is also a second-generation Philadelphia Phillies fan all thanks to his beloved grandfather, Vince Tassoni.
Kirby Yates
Would follow a website that rates
The performances of Kate Winslet
Based on her accent.
Ketel Marte
Would eat banana cream parfaits
At every meal, but doesn’t because
His contract has a weight-gain clause.
Steven Kwan
Will drone on and on
About investing in Bitcoin
Because he’s got the acumen of a pork loin.
Trea Turner
Is a slow learner
3 times invested with Steven Kwan!
Man, that money’s gone gone gone…
Rafael Devers
Will never say never
But he’s pretty sure
He wouldn’t go on a gastronomic foraging tour.
Paul Skenes
Mentors awkward teens.
Growing up in California
He too had acne and body dysphoria.
Elly de la Cruz
Has over 400 pairs of shoes
And 75 square meters
Of Odor Eaters.
Alec Bohm.
Wherever he lays his hat is his home.
But wherever he is across the nation,
He digs The Temptations.
And then, 40 years later, these pioneers of Philly soul were captured on video at a census block party in the City of Brotherly Love. What better examples of two gems of the American heritage that we must lovingly pass on to the next generation.
Have a happy and old-school Fourth of July, Bardballers! Stay safe!
(Video by KeishaRenee1991)