Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Marcus Semien
Is happy to be a simian.
Can’t imagine being a cat, a cow or a fish
If a genie gave him three wishes.
Nick Castellanos
Thinks he could totally take Thanos,
Darkseid, Kang, the Joker and Lex
Luthor (hmmm, a superiority complex?).
Camilo Doval
Loves music atonal.
Get him started on Anton Webern
Only if you have time to burn.
Lars Nootbaar
Is buying a root farm,
Gonna grow some carrots, beets, and parsnips.
“Root for my rutabagas!” he quips.
And then, 40 years later, these pioneers of Philly soul were captured on video at a census block party in the City of Brotherly Love. What better examples of two gems of the American heritage that we must lovingly pass on to the next generation.
Have a happy and old-school Fourth of July, Bardballers! Stay safe!
(Video by KeishaRenee1991)
With apologies to Lord Byron
I had a dream that was not all a dream.
Some large misfortune overtook the coasts,
And their tall cities were abandoned, only the blown
Forgotten newsprint scuttling down the street.
Exiled elsewhere, I marveled at the ways
That life persists: baseball was still played
By all the teams based in central states,
Their match-ups limited and circular,
While only ghosts played in my home parks,
Swinging blind at nothing in the moonless air.
Who’s my team now, I thought. No Phillies, Sox,
Or A’s. No Mets. Is it the Diamondbacks?
Ellen Adair is an actor, with recurring roles on shows like “The Sinner,” “Homeland,” and “Bull,” and a contributing analyst to the MLB Network show “Off Base.” Their book of poetry, Curtain Speech, is available from Pen & Anvil Press. They also host the podcasts “Take Me In to the Ballgame” and “Love Takes Action,” and draws baseball players by commission.
With apologies to Gerard Manley Hopkins and his “Pied Beauty”
Glory be to God for Aaron Nola!
For changeups of couple-color, diving from the zone;
For hosts of swinging strikes on tunneled pitches;
Fresh-curveballs swooping like a rainbow’s gold; a
Landscape plotted for a dotted fastball, blown
By even Ronald Acuña. That’s Aaron Nola, bitches.
Ellen Adair is an actor, with recurring roles on shows like “The Sinner,” “Homeland,” and “Bull,” and is also a contributing analyst to the MLB Network show “Off Base.” Their book of poetry, Curtain Speech, is available from Pen & Anvil Press. They also host the podcasts “Take Me In to the Ballgame,” and “Love Takes Action,” and draw baseball players by commission.
(Editor Error! This was first submitted Sept. 25, 2020. Apologies to the writer.)
With apologies to William Butler Yeats
I will arise and walk now, and walk like Bryce and Rhys;
And the outside pitches take there, with a patient-eyed approach;
Nine pitches will I foul off; then ball four below the knees;
And stand alone with the first-base coach.