Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
It’s no little thing
To be Orion Kerkering.
The Phillies keep on tinkering
And now will test his youthful wing
Not against org players who hit with a “ping”
But big-league hitters whose bats whistle and sing
At any imperfect offering.
Will he be Joker
Or will he be King?
It’s no little thing
To be Orion Kerkering.
Wade Meckler has had quite a week
of which he might not rather speak.
Two inside-the-parkers:
Luke Raley’s, Bryce Harper’s
Beat the outfielder at Hide-and-Seek.
Raley’s off-the-railing ricochet jobby six days ago
Harper’s elusive longball last night
Them Boobirds of Philly? Nowhere to be found.
The bleachers now feature a more joyful sound.
Fans stopped screaming “Chump”
at a guy in a slump–
and their cheers sparked a Trea Turneround.
Trea Turner Thanks Phillies Fans for Standing Ovations with Billboard
Marcus Semien
Is happy to be a simian.
Can’t imagine being a cat, a cow or a fish
If a genie gave him three wishes.
Nick Castellanos
Thinks he could totally take Thanos,
Darkseid, Kang, the Joker and Lex
Luthor (hmmm, a superiority complex?).
Camilo Doval
Loves music atonal.
Get him started on Anton Webern
Only if you have time to burn.
Lars Nootbaar
Is buying a root farm,
Gonna grow some carrots, beets, and parsnips.
“Root for my rutabagas!” he quips.
With apologies to Lord Byron
I had a dream that was not all a dream.
Some large misfortune overtook the coasts,
And their tall cities were abandoned, only the blown
Forgotten newsprint scuttling down the street.
Exiled elsewhere, I marveled at the ways
That life persists: baseball was still played
By all the teams based in central states,
Their match-ups limited and circular,
While only ghosts played in my home parks,
Swinging blind at nothing in the moonless air.
Who’s my team now, I thought. No Phillies, Sox,
Or A’s. No Mets. Is it the Diamondbacks?
Ellen Adair is an actor, with recurring roles on shows like “The Sinner,” “Homeland,” and “Bull,” and a contributing analyst to the MLB Network show “Off Base.” Their book of poetry, Curtain Speech, is available from Pen & Anvil Press. They also host the podcasts “Take Me In to the Ballgame” and “Love Takes Action,” and draws baseball players by commission.