Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
DIAMONDBACKS
Now, the big question:
Will Trumbo survive the fall
From an angel to snake?
DODGERS
Possessing billions
Does not mean that a person
Knows what they’re doing.
GIANTS
The Freak must now prove
That he can effectively
Re-get his Freak on.
PADRES
Who will hang a star
On future great Padres plays
Now that Jerry’s gone?
ROCKIES
Will the Car Go boom?
Will Tulo’s stats be too low?
Will anyone care?
Pipe down folks:
There’s a legend at the mike.
He may not be the type you like;
but in his day, long before you began,
the world was breathlessly in love with the man.
Adios, Andy.
Don Mattingly’s LA Dodgers,
According to some hot-stove codgers,
Have flouted the unwritten rules
And shown themselves obnoxious tools.
Puig should do as he is told,
Not act like a 22-year-old.
And jumping in the D-Backs’ pool?
Uncool, Tinseltown Tots, uncool.
Dodgers, give heed to the reporters
For your endless list of oughtas.
Obey them when you’re hitting and scoring
And keep the game St. Louis boring.
Out in center he proved to be handy
Once, hell-bent, made a shoe-string, a dandy
A bad call, threw a fit
(With the ball still in mitt)
What a gent through and through was our Andy.
At this time of year, there’s no spookier fright than checking out Hilary’s monster-movie limerick site, LimerWrecks.
Twenty-five years is so long in L.A.
A city where trends are born ev’ry day.
Champagne last flowed here when Gibby burned Eck.
Since then, Dodger fans have been glum as heck
as seasons crawled by with no matching thrill.
Yet now, hopes are high the Boys in Blue will
make that Series drought a thing of the past,
with what all agree is some marquee cast.
Puig leaps off the screen with full-throttle play.
Clayton’s deflatin’ egos, E.R.A.
At shortstop he’s tops—Hurray Hanley-wood.
Gonzalez a rock, the A-Train that could.
Greinke’s grand on the mound, great at the plate;
Uribe, once a bust, now pulls his weight!
Ethier’s hobbled, and Kemp’s on the shelf,
while Wilson’s bounced back to his old bearded self.
Of course, there are some who don’t even care
about ball clubs’ fates and civic despair.
But those cold-hearted types don’t understand
the joys of the finest game in the land.
A whole quarter century’s passed us by
since Captain Kirk punched that hole in the sky.
Pardon us, Cubs fans, but it’s been too long
since Chavez Ravine was joyous with song.
Michael X. Ferraro is the author of Tased & Amused: A Poetic Recap of the 2010 MLB Season, which recounts such harrowing fan tales as an on-field tasering and a case of intentional regurgitation.