Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Arizona Diamondbacks
The sun shines hottest
On the king of the hill, but
How strong are your arms?
Colorado Rockies
Nobody can hear
The landslide coming until
The season’s ruined.
Los Angeles Dodgers
All your spring wishes,
Your summer smiles, meaningless
Until October.
San Diego Padres
Unlucky last year?
The key crops did not produce.
This is not a test.
San Francisco Giants
Grandson of the Wind
Carries major talent and
Great expectations.
Padres late game woes
shaky relief, broken glove
gift win to Dodgers
For those of you who missed first pitch at 06:00 EDT this morning.
Highest stakes,
Sleepy mistakes,
Fan heartaches.
Dave Kingman would give it his all
Each powerful swing at the ball
But, missing, he’d spin
And, to his chagrin
Would teeter off balance and fall.
Illustration by Jim Siergey
Emannuel Clase
Is certainly not blase
About playing in the All-Star Game
And getting autographs from all the big names.
Juan Soto
Sank all his money in Photo-
Mats. He’d be wiser
To find a new investment adviser.
Corey Seager
Is always eager
To discuss chemtrails.
For clearing a room, it never fails.
Josh Jung
Once stuck his tongue
To a pole in mid-winter
But was in no danger in San Jacinto.
