Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Corbin Burnes
Knows his gulls from his terns
In the role of a birder
He’s absolute murder.
Sterling Marté
Sure loves to par-tay.
Whiskey, tequila, rum–
Whatever you got, he’ll have some.
Alek Manoah
Has never been to Samoa
But he knows the nightlife is da bomb
In Guam.
Pete Alonso
Has tattoos of Gonzo,
Miss Piggy, Scooter, Fozzie and where space permits,
Kermit.
Byron Buxton
Through his awesome powers of deduction
Has determined the murderer of Lord McBroom
Is someone in this room!
Luis Arraez
Is not one to compromise.
If it’s not Johnnie Walker Black,
He sends it back.
Joe Musgrove
Is an ace with the cookstove.
He takes sausage and flapjacks
To the max.
Miguel Cabrera
Is the finest hitter of his era
And a real joy to watch play —
I have nothing snarky to say.
C.J. Cron
Will talk on the phone
For hours and hours
With other BTS followers.
Alejandro Kirk
Doesn’t like to work
On anything other than
His abs and his tan.
Kyle Tucker
Loves the Drive-By Truckers
And any other bands that wanna
Straddle genres.
Tony Gonsolin
Keeps a pet pangolin
And regularly massages the armor
Of that weird little charmer.
Max Fried
Was in need
Of a tourniquet
Last night, the way he got hit.
AJ Pollock
Gave the pill a wallop
And made Dodgers fans scream
In Chavez Ravine.
Albert Pujols
Didn’t hit it between the poles
But still put on a show
Of knowing what he knows.
Chris Taylor
Like an old-time New England whaler
Salvaged the good ship S.S. Dodger
Sailing under a blue-and-white Jolly Roger.
Julio Urias
Was all out of gas
Davey Roberts lost his senses
Should’nt have used him from the ‘penses.
Joc Pederson
Lined up a heater and
Hit a homer like a frozen rope
Then had his mouth washed out with soap.
Corey Seager
Was very eager
To have a starring defensive role
Now his team’s two games in the hole.