Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
When dolphins fly,
When nuns wear heels,
When lakes go dry. . .
Then Stanton steals!
When box scores lie,
When kings cut deals,
When fans ask, “Why?”
Then Stanton steals!
When Royals cry,
“He has no wheels.”
It’s time to try. . .
And Stanton steals!
Originally posted on the indispensable Yankee blog, It is High, It is Far, It is…caught.
Somebody let the Tigers get hot
No one told Houston the plot
AJ Hinch gave his old squad a swat
Somebody let the Tigers get hot
Now Cleveland’s about to get taught
The summer games might come to naught
Somebody let the Tigers get hot
Whatever team comes down the slot
They still lose when they’ve shot their shot
Somebody let the Tigers get hot
Are these rookies aware what they’ve got?
Any need for vets they forgot
Playing with Red Bull, courage and snot
Youthful spirit means quite a lot
Call them “Tigertown Tots”
And they’ll tie your tongue in a knot
What hath the Ilitches wrought?
Somebody let the Tigers get hot.
1B Canadian Goose Tatum
2B Pumpsie Spice Green
SS Luke Caramel Appling
3B Alex Decorative Gourdon
LF Tail Gates Brown
CF Walt “Turtleneck” Williams
RF Félix Pumpkin Pié
C Moses Fleecewood Walker
LHP Cliff Leefpile, Matt S’Moore
RHP Boof Bonfire, Aaron Rakers
MGR Hot Cyder Young
With apologies to Robert Frost
Some say the game will end with Nicky,
Some say Bryce.
From what I’ve seen of players gritty
I hold with those who favor Nicky.
But if it had to happen twice,
Say, if the game was going late,
I know that for destruction Bryce
Is also great
And would suffice.
1B Tommy Thompson
2B Pat Patterson
SS Andy Anderson
3B Bobby Robinson
LF Willie Wilson
CF Eddie Edmonson
RF Jack Jackson
C Benny Bengough
LHP John Henry Johnson, Dave Davidson, Johnny Johnson
RHP Tommy Toms, Johnny Johnson, Tommy Thomas
MGR Dizzy Dismukes
Taylor and Tyler Rogers, Photo from GQ.com