By James Finn Garner
Winter’s been raw as a campout in Banff.
Your new basement walls are moldy and damp.
Your drapes caught fire from a knocked over lamp—
. Relax!
. Pitchers and catchers are reporting to camp.
Your check-writing hand’s developed a cramp,
Your bills are all due and you ain’t got a stamp,
Creditors cling to your neck like a clamp—
. Smile!
. Pitchers and catchers are reporting to camp.
Your yard now faces a new freeway ramp.
Your son is engaged to a gold-digging tramp.
Your “guitar hero” neighbor’s just bought a new amp—
. Life is good!
. Pitchers and catchers are reporting to camp.
Breaking news makes you break out in a rant.
You want to stop watching; duty says you can’t.
I fear Lady Liberty’s being measured for implants–
. With luck we’ll survive,
. And pitchers and catchers are reporting to camp.
First posted 2/13/2008; updated 2/15/17