Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Adam Wainwright
Played the “unwritten rules” right,
Grooved the Captain a pitch to hit,
Then found himself in a world of trouble.
Miguel Cabrera
The greatest hitter of our era.
Pitch the pill behind his back
And still he’ll give that ball a whack.
Mike Trout
Didn’t hit one out,
But a double and a triple
Ain’t kibble.
The gods place bets with loaded dice,
And all our earthly dreams betray,
But listen to one clown’s advice,
Goodbye, cruel world; it’s opening day.
The politicians scrounge for power,
With consequences we shall pay.
But somewhere, it’s our finest hour,
Goodbye, cruel world; it’s opening day.
Our weary age is full of war,
The daily news brings dark dismay,
So surf the dreams worth living for,
Goodbye, cruel world; it’s opening day.
.
Hart Seely is the author of  The Juju Rules: Or How To Win Ballgames From Your Couch, and also operates the Yankees blog, IT IS HIGH, IT IS FAR, IT IS….caught.
The days of cool sun have drawn in,
With the regrets of how a fool spends his time
Crunchy leaves now, grey on the way.
And now, just when I need the light,
The game closes up
For the season
Until that day when the snow
Is, unimaginably, miraculously, melting into the ground.
Don Mattingly’s LA Dodgers,
According to some hot-stove codgers,
Have flouted the unwritten rules
And shown themselves obnoxious tools.
Puig should do as he is told,
Not act like a 22-year-old.
And jumping in the D-Backs’ pool?
Uncool, Tinseltown Tots, uncool.
Dodgers, give heed to the reporters
For your endless list of oughtas.
Obey them when you’re hitting and scoring
And keep the game St. Louis boring.