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Life is Good

by James Finn Garner

Winter’s been raw as a campout in Banff.
Your new basement walls are moldy and damp.
Your drapes caught fire from a knocked over lamp—

Relax!
Pitchers and catchers are reporting to camp.

 

Your check-writing hand’s developed a cramp,
Your bills are all due and you ain’t got a stamp,
Creditors cling to your neck like a clamp—

Smile!
Pitchers and catchers are reporting to camp.

 

Your yard now faces a new freeway ramp.
Your son is engaged to a gold-digging tramp.
Your “guitar hero” neighbor’s just bought a new amp—

Life is good!
Pitchers and catchers are reporting to camp.

 

First posted 2/13/2008 

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The Ofers

by James Finn Garner

To diagnose the Yankees’ ills,
Don’t sacrifice a gopher
And scan for signs in its entrails —
The problem is the ofers.

Infante was tattooed, not tagged.
The call at second wasn’t kosher
But potential outrage only dragged
Down this lineup full of ofers.

Beyond JV, the Tiges ain’t sound —
Hell, they’re staying with their “closer”! —
But slow-pitch softball might confound
This Murderer’s Row of ofers.

Get ready for a shopping spree
When the season’s mercifully over.
A blind man’s dog throws up to see
This lousy bunch of ofers.

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Carpe Tomorrow ?

by Barbara Gregorich

Now pales
beside Next.
Call waiting
beats call existing
.          every time.

Blue-star
free agents
glow brighter
than earthbound
team members
.          every time.

Never had
call waiting,
but if I did
I’d ignore it
.          every time.

I cheer
the team
that takes
the field —
and not the one
some baron’s
scheming.

.               Every time.

 

Barbara’s new book, Jack and Larry, chronicles the love affair between Cleveland slugger Jack Graney and Larry, the team’s American bull terrier mascot (the only live mascot ever used by a major league team) in verse form.  Read more about it and order a copy here.

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What Can Reggie Say After He Says He’s Sorry

by David Bellel

What can I say, Al dear, after I say I’m sorry,
Though we all know you’re no better than Tony Lazzeri

I should have known the response of that Nazi-like crew
But you know stirring the drink is what I do

I was all wrong, (not really) but right or wrong I don’t blame you
Why should I take a juicer like you and shame you

I know it really should apply
More to Big Papi, dear
What can I say, Al dear, after I say I’m sorry