by James Finn Garner
As we take a pause for the All-Star Break
And the promoters fall over themselves,
There’s a confession I feel obliged to make:
I haven’t given a shit since age 12.
A Pair of Odes to Chris Davis
………………………………………………………………………………..
Taking Higher Ground
by Michael X. Ferraro
Chris Davis’s 0-fer-8 night ended in bliss.
Five times did the DH swing-swing-swing and miss.
So, post-platinum sombrero, why the big grin?
‘Cause he tossed two scoreless and picked up the win.
………………………………………………………………………………..
The Ballad of Chris Davis
by Stu Shea
How does a player go 0-for-8
And still win himself the game ball?
Move from DH to the pitching mound
And make major-league hitters look small.
2012 AL West Prediction Haiku
By Stuart Shea
LOS ANGELES ANGELS OF ANAHEIM ETC.
Albert doesn’t want
Us to call him “The Man,” so
Let’s call him “The Bank.”
OAKLAND ATHLETICS
Manny is Manny.
Elderly is elderly.
Money is wasted.
SEATTLE MARINERS
The only thing worse
Than hitting Ichiro first
Is hitting him third
TEXAS RANGERS
Media outrage
Over Josh Hamilton’s life?
A pile of cow turds
2012 AL Central Prediction Haiku
By Stuart Shea
CHICAGO WHITE SOX
With the mouth gone to
Sunnier climes, will the Sox
Be hung out to dry?
CLEVELAND INDIANS
“Is Grady injured?”
“Was there a Tuesday last week?”
Michael Brantley’s glad.
DETROIT TIGERS
27 games
Before Brandon Inge returns
To reclaim third base.
KANSAS CITY ROYALS
Those young hitters can’t
Overpower the smell of
Five pieces of meat.
MINNESOTA TWINS
Such a nice ballpark
And such nice people watching
Their nice, boring team.
NOT Quite Haiku for Spring Training
by Jay Kenny
With apologies to Basho
Crowd files into seats
. infield dragged
. Ump cries “Play ball!”
. Frog plops into
. centerfield pond