Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
All the network media dorks
Sing the praises of New York
They hate visiting places strange
Like Motown and the Texas Range
They’d rather crawl through Gotham sewers
Than watch the Snakes or Rays or Brewers.
They’re happy as a dog with bone
To stay in th’ Eastern Time Zone.
But Yankees pitching ain’t worth a lick.
The Phillies are my pick, in six.
Rain pours down
drenching everything.
The season has ten days left.
Why does the fall always try us?
Why must you need to be brave?
If I stay still I will not wake you.
If only the rain would stop,
my thoughts would not try to drown it out
and we could both sleep.
Dream of baseball. Can I?
The Giants and Cardinals are making a late run.
They’re fighting for their lives…
their playoff lives.
“Fighting for their lives.”
Where we’re living,
That sounds so stupid now,
so totally stupid.
Who can make a team rise, make it feel like new
With flesh the hue of choc’late, he brings a miracle or two
The Grandy Man, oh the Grandy Man can
The Grandy Man can ’cause he brings a sure glove and applies good wood
One of the greatest Yank “bros,” wears his stripes with pride
Hitting big home runs while his teammates “slide”
The Grandy Man, the Grandy Man can
The Grandy Man can ’cause he brings a sure glove and applies good wood
The Grandy Man makes everything he does satisfying, not capricious
Now you talk about your childhood wishes,
Far better than Swishalicious
Oh, who can heal like Apollo, wipe away bad dreams
Separate the sorrow and both right and lefties cream
The Candy Man, oh the Candy Man can
The Grandy Man can ’cause he brings a sure glove and applies good wood
The Grandy Man makes everything he does satisfying, not capricious
Now you talk about your childhood wishes,
Far better than Swishalicious
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Oh, who can heal like Apollo, wipe away bad dreams
Separate the sorrow and both right and lefties cream
The Candy Man, oh the Candy Man can
The Grandy Man can ’cause he brings a sure glove and applies good wood
Yes, The Grandy Man can ’cause he brings a sure glove and applies good wood-a-Grandy Man, a-Grandy Man, a-Grandy Man
Grandy Man, a-Grandy Man, a-Grandy Man
Grandy Man, a-Grandy Man, a-Grandy Man….
You’ll find David posting with the rest of Yankee stalwarts over at It Is High, It Is Far, It Is….Caught.
Chicago, Chicago, that toddlin’ town
Those Chisox, those Chisox, they play like they’re clowns
Bet your bottom dollar even AJ could have won in Chicago, Chicago,
The town where poor Adam Dunn got shut down
On West 35th Street, that great street, I just want to say
They do things they don’t do on Broadway
Ozzie had the time, the worst time of his life
His bats went dead, unlike his hot-looking wife
In Chicago, Chicago, Joe Girardi’s home town
Chicago, Chicago, that toddlin’ town
Chicago, Chicago the Yanks will toss them around – we love it
Bet your bottom dollar Hughes will lose his blues in Chicago, Chicago,
The town where for six innings even he shut them down
On West 35th Street, that great street, I just want to say
They do things they don’t do on Broadway
Ozzie had the time, the worst time of his life
His bats went dead, unlike his hot-looking wife
In Chicago, Chicago, Chicago, Joe Girardi’s home town
A jazz classic from Dave Frishberg.