Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
1B Duchamp Summers
2B Roberto Kahlomar
SS Ernie Banksy
3B Rubéns Amaro
LF Jackie Rem Brandt
CF AJ Pollock
RF Jake Munch
C Klimt Courtney
LHP Lance Painter, Lefty Hopper, Masanori Murakami
RHP Klee Carroll, Johnny Vander Vermeer
MGR Rothko Baldelli
Artwork by Tommervik.
Sung to the tune of “Centerfold” by the J. Geils Band
Stumblin’ down on Rush Street, walkin’ pub to pub
Harry Caray was the idol of every Bleacher Bum
Started in St. Louis, but seduced the owner’s wife
Then Chisox, then the Cubbies — a checkered, blesséd life
Then MLB tries some tricks
During the “Field of Dreams”
And ghostly Harry resurrects
To gasps and chokes and screams….
.   Cub Fan, Bud Man
.   This ain’t worth a tinker’s damn
.   Harry lives in a hologram
.   (Harry lives in a hologram)
.   Cub Fan, Bud Man
.   This ain’t worth a tinker’s damn
.   Harry lives in a hologram
.   (Harry lives in a hologram)
He’s leading the seventh inning stretch, the weak of heart begin to retch
Beer gut missing around his middle, where’s the liver spots, sweat and spittle?
There’s no way to digitize a glorious mess like Harry
Please find some breathing pitchman and let the dead stay buried.
He’s been dead since ’98,
But you could never tell
Thanks, computer science,
But he never looked THIS well…
.   Cub Fan, Bud Man
.   This ain’t worth a tinker’s damn
.   Harry lives in a hologram
.   (Harry lives in a hologram)
.   Cub Fan, Bud Man
.   This ain’t worth a tinker’s damn
.   Harry lives in a hologram
.   (Harry lives in a hologram)
Na na na-na-na-na
Na-na-na nanna na na-na
Na na na-na-na-na
Na-na-na nanna na na-na…
Originally published in The Chicago Baseball Magazine.
Miggy knew well with this at bat
His brain on message ‘neath his hat
He struck the sphere
Heard thund’rous cheer
It’s Hit 3,000 — ‘magine that!
Miggy knew this was the night
And held that piece of lumber tight
A mighty swing
He whacked that thing
Just like a blast of dynamite!
3000’s not a mighty sum
If you count cars or bubble gum.
Count hits instead
I’ve heard it said
The hoopla’s ad infinitum!
Millie Bovich, a longtime Bardball contributor, has been a Tigers fan since the days of Hal Newhouser and Virgil Trucks.
Still doing the “tomahawk chop”
When everyone begs you to stop
You say it’s your mission
To keep up tradition–
You just like your racism with props.