Don’t Try This at Home, Dude

By Stuart Shea

You can’t cut the lawn
Like Carlos Z. pitches.
You’d lose hold of the mower
And get 80 stitches.

You can’t do your taxes
Like Carlos Z. throws.
You’d ball up receipts
And punch your own nose.

You can’t do brain surg’ry
Like Carlos Z. hurls.
Your patients would die
While you did angry twirls.

But there’s nothing like watching the dervish in blue
When he harnesses everything that he can do.
Just ask HOU.

Posted 9/17/08

Published in Chicago Cubs, Chicago Cubs, Players, Pure doggerel, Stu Shea | Link to this poem | No Comments

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