On Being A.J. Pierzynski

by James Finn Garner

 

Oh, it isn’t easy

Being A.J. Pierzynski.

Not one to appease, he

Is always called sleazy.

 

He’s never mistaken

For Francis Assisi.

He’d start a rhubarb

In a game of Parcheesi.

 

Ozzie will say that

He’ll see him in Hades–he

Then says they’re twins,

Near Siamese-y.

 

Other team’s say his

Play’s pretty cheesy.

If bad vibes were pollen,

The whole league would be sneezy.

 

But to find a smart catcher

Ain’t easy-peasy.

I’d rather hunt crocs on

The River Zambezi.

 

Like being the man

On the flying trapeze-y,

It ain’t never easy

Being A.J. Pierzynski.


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