The Curious Case of Fidd Sinch

By Dr. Rajesh C. Oza

During this Spring Training,
Wizened old scouts were heaping
Much praise on Tigers rookie Fidd Sinch:

“A Tibetan phenom, ah!
He prays like the Dalai Lama
And throws like a reincarnated Mark Fidrych.”

Fidd, named after “The Bird,”
Chants a silly-sly Buddhist word
Before every thrown ball.

The chanted mantra is Ton-Plimp, Ton-Plimp,
Meaning “Beware of the cheeky chimp
Penning this April 1 doggerel.”

In honor of the 40th anniversary of George Plimpton’s Sports Illustrated April Fools’ Day hoax.

John McGraw

by Michael Ceraolo

No one who had experienced as much death as I had
would ever call baseball a life-or-death matter,
but winning was next-most in importance
And I would do anything to win:
doctor the grounds to favor our team;
scour the rule book for technicalities that favored us
(and scream loudly when other used technicalities against us);
try to sign players like Charlie Grant and William Mathews;
sign reprobates like Donlin and Raymond and Chase,
thinking I could rehabilitate them.
And I apologize for none of it:
we won far more often than not.

Goodbye, Cruel World, It’s Opening Day

by Hart Seely

The gods place bets with loaded dice,
And all our earthly dreams betray,
But listen to one clown’s advice,
Goodbye, cruel world; it’s opening day.

The politicians scrounge for power,
With consequences we shall pay.
But somewhere, it’s our finest hour,
Goodbye, cruel world; it’s opening day.

Our weary age is full of war,
The daily news brings dark dismay,
So surf the dreams worth living for,
Goodbye, cruel world; it’s opening day.

April 9, 1976: Rudy Schaffer, Paul Richards and Chisox owner Bill Veeck ring in Opening Day at Comiskey Park.