by Hilary Barta
Once so hot they could jump in the Lake,
Cubs looked shot as they slumped toward the break.
While Joe Maddon stays placid
We old fans drop antacid
‘Cause we’ve had all the lumps we can take.
Fall of the House of All-Star Clerihews
Julio Teheran
Loves Duran Duran
But will take a paz
On Yaz.
Yoenis Cespedes
Likes watching “The Apprentice”.
“What I can’t figure out, man,
Is where they found a talking orangutan.”
Marcell Ozuna
Is the big kahuna
In Miami’s centerfield
By Red Groom’s carnival sculpture he’s almost concealed.
Dellin Betances
Took his chances
With a street vendor’s tamales
And is now very solly.
Home Run Derby Winner
by Stephen Jones
Giancarlo Stanton swings his bat
Like John Henry swung his hammer.
When he connects, sparks fly.
No small wonder, that no pitcher
Wants to face this Marlin batter.
Bride of All-Star Clerihews
Wilson Ramos
Has become famos
As catcher for the Nats–
Must be the way that he squats.
Francisco Lindor
Likes to golf indoors.
As dangerous as his home gets,
His kids have learned to wear helmets.
Michael Saunders
When his mind meanders
Imagines himself in toque, cape and shorts
Savior of the Great White North.
Matt Wieters
Is such a fussy eater
On every dinner date
He asks an ump to brush his plate.
Son of All-Star Clerihews
Clayton Kershaw
Prefers Shaw
Over Ibsen
If he had to put dibs in.
Mark Trumbo
Likes all his shrimp jumbo
And when he orders, it takes
A shovel to serve his Baltimore crab cakes.
Mookie Betts
Likes all kinds of pets
But he has no use
For cockatuse.
Buster Posey
We don’t want to be nosey
But why do the #Giants even appear
At games in odd-numbered years?