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MLB All Body Parts Team

by Jim Siergey

1B  Fred Brainard
2B  Chase Headley
SS  Chin-lung Hu
3B  Jim Ray Hart
LF  Walter “No-Neck” Williams
CF  Tony Armas
RF  Chester Emerson
C   Barry Foote
SP  Bill Hands
RP  Elroy Face, Rollie Fingers
MGR  Don Gutteridge

 

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Don’t Need the O-K

By James Finn Garner

Francisco, the K-Rod of lore,
Can’t get batters out like before.
Bought by Detroit for a bag of rocks,
He now harangues reporters to squawk
No coach ever asked about his demotion.
Where did he ever get the mad notion
That, at his current level of play,
Ausmus and Dubee needed his okay?

Whether by smoke signal, carrier pigeon or love letter,
There’s only one message for you, pal: Pitch better.

 

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Wait’ll Last Year

by Hilary Barta

Have the “Try Not to Suck” Cubs gone “kerplunk”?
Who knows why, but they’re stuck in a funk
Gone from having it all
To just average ball . . .
From up high to the muck the team’s sunk.