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Gut Check Time

by Greg Simetz

Fans remember well
Thompson’s ‘Shot Heard ‘Round the World’
Giants fans cheered
Dodgers fans hurled

But a new shot was heard
at Guaranteed Rate
causing Sox fans to scatter
after only Beer Number Eight

A smuggled gun went undected
In belly fat it was tucked
And when the lard pulled the trigger
even LaRussa woke up

One person was wounded
another was grazed
but the White Sox kept playing
losers still but unfazed

Then peace was restored
when cops ID’d the plump chick
and in court she was sentenced
to life on Ozempic.

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Fighting Like Only the White Sox Can

by James Finn Garner

Poor Timmy! Zonked by a double whammy
When he chose to throw hands with Joe Rami.
First Jose’s right hook
Left him cold as a chinook
And on the way down he twisted both hammies!

(Not really, but admit it, Sox fans — you still felt compelled to double-check.)

 

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July Sale Days

by James Finn Garner

It’s July Sale Days with the New York Mets!
Come on down — it’s as good as it gets!

Robertson, closer (we call him Dave),
So many games for you he’ll save!

Look under the hood of our starter Max,
Good despite mileage, and that’s a fact!

Everybody wants a Tommy Pham!
(Sorry, Chisox, no warranty on hams)

Verlander’s on his second career–
Try for a third? You’ll find him here!

Crazy Billy Eppler’s ready to trade!
Start planning your World Series Parade!

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Bill Veeck

by Michael Ceraolo

I don’t think I was a genius
by any objective measurement,
but it wasn’t hard to seem like one
compared to most of the other owners,
who considered attendance at the games
to be the fans’ religious obligation
My treating baseball as a business
that had to attract its customers
with a good product and fun at the park
was derided as heresy
(though many of my ideas were soon copied)
And that wasn’t their only resort to mystical nonsense:
they first fought, and then severely limited, night games
Just imagine:
running a business whose hours of operation
(set by you)
preclude the vast majority of customers
from patronizing your business.

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An Immortal’s Mortality

By Elliot Harris

There is a harsh reality:
No one escapes mortality.
Even if you were a baseball great,
You still cannot avoid such a fate.

Hall of Fame pitcher Tom Seaver died,
And some fans of his likely cried.
Mortality and thoughts of Tom Seaver
Can turn us inward and into a griever.

A baseball immortal, that’s for sure
With a delivery that was so pure.
And yet with Death in the batter’s box
Not even the great ones can outfox.

No curve nor changeup nor blazing fastball
Has a chance against the swing of Death’s call.
All that is left on the great pitcher’s mound
Are the marvelous memories and joy unbound.

The Miracle Mets of long ago
Don’t seem so ancient to some of us, though
Who used to watch him and them play
When we were all young back in the day.

After Tom Seaver has been laid to rest
He still will remain among baseball’s best.
Still too will remain the human fragility:
We all will strike out against mortality.

(Editor’s Error: First submitted Sept. 3, 2020. RIP Tom Seaver)