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This Team Isn’t Panicking

By James Finn Garner

This team isn’t panicking
There’s plenty of season left–
Though for piddling away Spring Training
We’re really quite bereft

This team isn’t panicking
There’s plenty of season left–
We might lack in fundamentals but
In dodging blame, we’re deft

This team isn’t panicking
There’s plenty of season left–
From our days in Double A you’d say
Most of us have regressed

This team isn’t panicking
There’s plenty of season left–
What is Time, anyway, huh?
A false construct, at best

This team isn’t panicking
There’s plenty of season left–
Just string together some victories
And we’ll put this issue to rest.

 

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La Russa La Loca

by Greg Simetz

Tony La Russa intentionally walked a batter
with two strikes and two outs
The next guy up hit a homer,
bringing Tony’s mind into doubt.

A head scratching choice
A questionable call
Tony swore the statistics
Would cause the Dodgers to stall.

But the Sox have a plan
to get back on the right track:
Swapping 77-year-old La Russa
for 87-year-old Connie Mack.

(Editor’s Error! This limerick was submitted in June of 2022, but was lost in the Inbox.)

 

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Designated Hurter

by James Finn Garner

(Title by Jim Siergey)

Eloy’s a natural hitter,
Chitown’s best since Sammy

If Eloy’s swings were music,
He’d be a shoe-in for a Grammy

When he steps into the batters box
Sox fans’ palms get clammy

‘Cuz Eloy’s smart as a Labrador
And has stale breadsticks for hammies.

 

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This Year’s Departures

by James Finn Garner

The season is done, the jocks are stored
Only two teams are left on the board
Let’s pause now, while for Friday we wait,
And salute the retirements of a few greats.

Pujols hit his 700th for the Cards
And now will have time to work on his yard.

Bosox and Cubs champ Jon Lester
Now is an official hammock tester.

Music lover Kurt Suzuki
Can learn the banjo or bouzouki

After the majors, Ádrian González played on
But after this year, A-Gon done gone.

Melky Cabrera, the man and the myth,
Will star in community theater: “The Melkman Cometh.”

And if anyone’s  looking for J.A. Happ,
He’s out on the patio, taking a nap.

 

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Go, Tony, Go

by Stuart Shea

It’s been a rough stretch for the Pale Hose,
A title expected by friends and foes.
The thing to do, fast,
Is to write off the past
And send off Big T for a nice doze.