AL Cannibalism de Facto?

by Stephen Jones

Let’s just say
The season ended today
And the Yankees won the division…
That’s a no-brainer, a win-loss given.

But what about the rest
Of the hungry AL East —
Those Red Sox and Rays,
Those Orioles and Blue Jays?
Like it or not, three of these beasts
Rule the AL’s wild-card menu.

But hey, that’s a speculative dream,
Maybe a thought in the extreme.
It’s more likely than not
That these baseball carnivores —
Forget here any herbivores —
Will actively consume each other
In the AL East’s cannibal-diner.

 

Late-Season Pleasures

by James Finn Garner

If the Orioles
Had any squad goals
Before the season kicked off

I’m sure they were higher
Than being the spoiler
For those punching into the playoffs

But be realistic
There’s been nothing artistic
Regarding the Orioles’ play

Take your fun where you can
And what’s more fun than
Pissing off the Bosox and Jays?

 

All-Star Clerihews 4: Frontier Justice

Fernando Tatís
Hits home runs with ease
But you should watch him try
To watch telenovelas and not cry.

Bo Bichette
Once used a baguette
To swing at a pitched ball
Left fans in stitches in Montreal.

Max Muncy
Gets pretty punchy
When you ask why his name
Sounds like a gumshoe in a board game.

Gerrit Cole
Would sell his soul
For the secret of eternal youth
And to eat hot dogs like Babe Ruth.

 

All-Star Cerihews 1: Rides Again

Gregory Soto
Swears like a mofo
When he misses with that strike,
Let’s hope he’s not miked.

Nelson Cruz
Has paid his dues
A better batter in his fifth decade
He’ll go straight from the trainer’s room to Medicaid.

Marcus Semien
Is an infield chameleon
He currently looks great in Blue
Could easily switch to Cardinal or Red, too.

Yusei Kikuchi
Would like to send a smoochie
To his mom and dad in Japan
And all the Saitama Seibu Lions fans.