Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
C.J. Cron
Will talk on the phone
For hours and hours
With other BTS followers.
Alejandro Kirk
Doesn’t like to work
On anything other than
His abs and his tan.
Kyle Tucker
Loves the Drive-By Truckers
And any other bands that wanna
Straddle genres.
Tony Gonsolin
Keeps a pet pangolin
And regularly massages the armor
Of that weird little charmer.
Dusty Baker notched his 2000th win
With a toothpick lodged into his grin
No World Series ring?
That don’t mean a thing
His record requires no spin.
Photo by David J. Phillips/Associated Press
Soler’s a basher, but Dusty’s hexed,
Fried the first winning Jew since Koufax–
Between cheating and chop,
Though, I for one hop
Next year’s series will lack for subtext.
Atlanta’s faithful are true believers
But can Snitker depend just on relievers?
Then again, what the heck
It’s all hands on deck
Or the Braves look like underachievers.
Atlanta’s a squadron in need
Of pitching to keep up to speed
But Morton’s cracked limb
Has made prospects dim
And who knows what’s wrong with Max Fried?