Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Frank the Tank
Old Frank Schwindel
Really knows his baseball well
This Cubbie fave
Plays the field with aplomb
Hits his singles and his bombs
A gamer true
He will take the hill
If the bullpen needs to chill
For younger fans
Frank might e’en bequeath us
The resurrection of the storied eephus.
Some Tampa Bay Rays
Don’t accept gays
Claiming God don’t approve of their lovin’
They should’ve instead
Spoke of what Jesus said
On the subject, which is of course nothin’.
Isn’t it odd
Some people’s God
Might espouse love but just for a few?
And how white cishet men
Tell you time and again:
“Jesus is great– he thinks just like I do!”
The forsaken Bucs
Have had terrible luck
Disheartening both youngsters and codgers
But that luck turns around–
Can this elixir be found?–
Whenever they fight ‘gainst the Dodgers.
Their recent campaigns
Have shamed the Spanish Main
Their treasure chest has been sore empty
But bring in Turner and Betts
And this sulphurous squad gets
Like Pops and Parker and Clemente.
He doesn’t deserve any more ink
But that Yankee jagoff sure spread his stink.
Probably racist,
But whate’er the case is,
Douche is as douche does, I do think.
1BÂ Â Hank Arft
2BÂ Â Scottie Slayback
SSÂ Â Charley Bassett
3BÂ Â Butch Huskey
LFÂ Â Aaron Pointer
CFÂ Â Denard Spaniel
RFÂ Â Shih-Tzu Choo
CÂ Â Â Jim Spotts
DHÂ Ron Shepherd
LHP Pug Cavet
RHP Red Ruffing, Mutt Wilson, Len Barker
MGR Doggie Miller
Honorable Mention Fred McGriff, the Crime Dog