Dunn and Dunn-er
by James Finn Garner
Adam Dunn can’t hit his weight.
In the AL, the DH job
Don’t get done at .168.
A hit man working for the mob
Posting such an average
would end up in a trunk, well plugged.
By even elfin Lillibridge
Is this day-old pot roast outslugged.
With warmer weather, heaven willing,
The Sox’ll wield more potent lumber.
Adam, a tip from TV’s Tom Skilling:
In Chicago, it’s already summer.
Though Alex Rios is glad to see
A “slugger” choking worse than he.
Ozzie U R 2 Much! LOL!
by James Finn Garner
When Ozzie G. twitters a tweet,
He lands his ass in the hot seat.
With a quick 4G link,
He reveals in a wink
That his mouth can hold more than both feet.
The Last of Lastings Milledge
by James Finn Garner
Consider the case of Lastings Milledge,
Career on the wane and prospects pillaged.
So many chances, not one of them clicked.
Now playing Triple A out in the sticks.
How cruelly ironic to have that first name,
Success was so fleeting throughout his game.
Drafted and signed with ado and aplomb,
but the years and the game rolled crushingly on.
To what sort of player can you really relate:
The superstars, scrubs — or should-have-been-greats?
Spring Injury Report, 2011
by James Finn Garner
Zach Grienke’s arm is hinky.
Jake Peavy’s feeling skeevy.
Adam Wainwright’s wing ain’t right.
Rich Harden’s asked for pardon.
Brad Lidge is off a smidge.
That goes ditto for Johnny Cueto.
And an inflamed elbow is causing
Pain for Jason Isringhausen.
Thank God for March,
So these great apes
Have one less month
To fall out of shape.
Life is Good
by James Finn Garner
Winter’s been raw as a campout in Banff.
Your new basement walls are moldy and damp.
Your drapes caught fire from a knocked over lamp—
Relax!
Pitchers and catchers are reporting to camp.
Your check-writing hand’s developed a cramp,
Your bills are all due and you ain’t got a stamp,
Creditors cling to your neck like a clamp—
Smile!
Pitchers and catchers are reporting to camp.
Your yard now faces a new freeway ramp.
Your son’s engaged to a gold-digging tramp.
Your “guitar hero” neighbor’s just bought a new amp—
Life is good!
Pitchers and catchers are reporting to camp.
Reposted 2/17/2012
