Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
by James Finn Garner
David Ortiz can now be called
Red white and blue,
An All-American yahoo!
A Back Bay Brahmin,
Green Mountain slammin’,
Star-Spangled-Bannerin’
True Blue All-American!
But it’s safe to say Big Papi
Won’t let you call him a Yankee.
Posted 6/23/08
By Stuart Shea
Has anybody seen my old pal Willie?
Can you tell me where he’s gone?
The Mets are playing badly, and that surely was not planned.
I turned around and he’s canned.
Anybody here seen John McLaren?
Can you tell me where he’s gone?
Even the rats are deserting Seattle’s ship.
And hiring Jim Riggleman ain’t that hip.
Can anybody here find my friend John Gibbons?
Can you tell me where he’s gone?
His GM is a lunatic, and the Jays look awfully tired.
He might be happy to be fired.
Anybody here know who’ll be next dismissed?
Open season on the skippers.
Is it Buddy Black, or Eric Wedge, or maybe Cecil Cooper
Whose career’s going down the pooper?
Posted 6/20/08Â
By Stuart Shea
Winter 2007-08
Contention required,
A pennant desired.
Santana, admired,
For a fortune is hired.
Spring 2007-08
The team, uninspired,
At .500 is mired.
Carlos Beltran is tired,
But the sports talk hosts wired.
June 17
Willie Randolph is fired.
Posted 6/17/08
By James Finn Garner
(With abject apologies to William Blake)
Tygers, Tygers, choking bad,
When champeens we thought we had.
What possessed the baseball scribes
To pick you o’er Sox and Tribe?
In Florida, Dombrowski–
Did he smile his work to see?
Aging bats and unproved arms,
With slim pickin’s on the farm.
Why’s Dontrelle in Single A?
Why does Clevlen get to play?
What turned Edgar Renteria
A defense gaffe-eteria?
Who knew, alone, Cabrera
Would revive th’ Dead Ball Era?
Will you become a stalker
If Sheffield gets a walker?
Tygers, Tygers, sucking wind,
We know fate has not been kind.
With Rodney and Zoom-Zoom back–
Watch out! Middle of the pack!
Posted 6/12/08Â
By Stuart Shea
One little piece of skin,
The size of a child’s little finger,
Can bring a big man down.
The pain will linger
for David Ortiz,
For at least three weeks.
He’s in a cast…geez.
Like a mouse to an elephant,
A torn tendon sheath
Doesn’t sound significant
But to a guy
Who depends on his wrists
It’s a poke in the eye
And a full-arm cast
And a lot of sitting.
How long the pain will last
Is not clear…
But it could go all year.
Posted 6/10/08