Barry Bonds #7

by James Finn Garner and Stu Shea

Bud Selig won’t say if he’ll go
When Bonds has his really big show

And sets the new mark
For hits out of the park,

‘Cuz the commish ain’t a man to eat crow.

Barry Bonds #6

By James Finn Garner

With Barry Bonds back in the game,
He can begin to revive his good name

By dodging the press
‘Bout the big BALCOR mess

And looking for teammates to frame.

Barry Bonds #3

by Stu Shea

There once was a guy down the pike
Who was blacker than Andy Van Slyke.

He hits like Babe Ruth,
But to tell you the truth,

There’s little ’bout Barry to like.

A Brad (Not a Bad) Penny

by Stu Shea

 

Throw a Penny at a team,

And count the strikeouts.

Throw a Penny on the hill,

And watch the psych-out.

Other teams with payrolls high

Cannot hit this Dodgers guy

Sometimes talent stands alone!

This penny beats a million bones.

The Return of the Rocket

by Stu Shea

So Roger’s coming back at last.

Be still my heart that beats so fast!

Forgive me if I seem to joke

At Clemens’ latest blow of smoke.

 

The baseball world stands, mouth agape

As Rocket Man adjusts his cape.

Forgive me if this time I sit

And disregard this silly shit.

 

It’s not as if he’ll join my team,

So why should I, like others, scream,

“Roger’s back! Oh, praise the Lord!”

If my team his paycheck can’t afford?

 

“He wants a ring! He loves the game!”

The song remains fore’er the same.

“It’s not the money, not the perks,

It’s ’cause he loves his baseball, jerks!”

 

So Big George forks up mega-mills

For 15 visits to the hill.

(He doesn’t have to hang around

Those days when he’s not on the mound.)

 

His “veteran leadership” and arm

Calm Torre’s typical alarm.

But is it right to pay and pay

A guy who plays the game this way?

 

No matter what his season holds,

I’m waiting til next year unfolds,

And he retires, the spoiled dunce,

And keeps a promise just this once.