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MLB All-Monster-Movie Team

1B   Vlad “Son of the Impaler” Guerrero, Jr.
2B   Charles Zomphier
SS   Justin “Franken” Stein
3B   Dave “King Kong” Kingman

LF   Jerry Mummy-phrey
CF   Coco Cryptkeeper
RF   Vlad “The Impaler” Guerrero

C   Baba-Duke Sims

PH   Nick Goulish

LHP   Freddie-Rick Kreuger, Mike “Michael” Myers
RHP   Full Moon Odom, Slick Castleman, Brad Pennywise

MGR   Chicken Wolfman

Illustration by Joltin’ Jim Seirgey

 

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Gavelanche

by Michael X. Ferraro

Sac Fly,
Sac Fly,
then Bye-Bye.
Aaron Judge has awoken.
The Bronx
fans let
out a sigh–
the cold bat’s once
again smokin’.

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Weaver Fever

by James Finn Garner

Luke Weaver
Can be a deceiver
Young, bright, even cleaner
Than Beaver Cleaver
Yet kills with his heater
Like dengue fever
Cincinnati weren’t believers
DFA’d him, pulled the lever
New York thought him keener
Not as a starter, neither
Now the late-game Caesar
Star reliever
Overachiever
From kids to geezers
The Yankeeverse is flying in the ether
Heavy breathers
With Weaver Fever

 

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Another Fine Mets

by Michael X. Ferraro

You should not take a lead on these Mets–
it will just lead to major regrets.
They show great restraint,
hit ’em where they ain’t,
and give rival fans real bad Tourette’s.