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All-Star Clerihews #3: The Bad and the Beautiful

Byron Buxton
Through his awesome powers of deduction
Has determined the murderer of Lord McBroom
Is someone in this room!

Luis Arraez
Is not one to compromise.
If it’s not Johnnie Walker Black,
He sends it back.

Joe Musgrove
Is an ace with the cookstove.
He takes sausage and flapjacks
To the max.

Miguel Cabrera
Is the finest hitter of his era
And a real joy to watch play —
I have nothing snarky to say.

 

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Mayhem on the Monongahela

by James Finn Garner

The forsaken Bucs
Have had terrible luck
Disheartening both youngsters and codgers

But that luck turns around–
Can this elixir be found?–
Whenever they fight ‘gainst the Dodgers.

Their recent campaigns
Have shamed the Spanish Main
Their treasure chest has been sore empty

But bring in Turner and Betts
And this sulphurous squad gets
Like Pops and Parker and Clemente.

 

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The No No-No

by Greg Simetz

The fans in Cincinnati
Have been driven somewhat batty
By a ball club bound for doom.
Then hurlers Greene and Warren
Achieved a feat so rare and foreign
Finally cutting through the gloom.
Holding Pirate batters hitless
For eight innings, said one witness,
Appeared to seal a Redlegs win
But in a twist of fate so wicked
A fielder’s choice was committed
And they lost a no-hit gem.

 

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Rip Sewell

by Michael Ceraolo

I’m proud of my major-league career,
though some will denigrate it
because I pitched through the war
I’m proud of resurrecting the eephus pitch
(I thought I had invented it,
but I understand historians have found
someone who threw it before I was born)
But what I’m most proud of is my part
in the defeat of Murphy’s Guild in ’46:
I spoke out against the strike,
and the proposed union went down to defeat