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It Ain’t Worth It

by Casey Stengel

The trouble is not
that players have sex
the night before a game.

It’s that they stay out all night
looking for it.

You gotta learn that
if you don’t get it by midnight,
chances are you ain’t gonna get it,
and if you do,
it ain’t worth it.

Many thanks to Jim Koenigsberger (@JimFromBaseball) for this and so many other gems from history.

Illustration: Munsingwear ladies underwear advertisement, 1940.

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MLB All-Rolling-Stones-Songs Team

1B   Todd Gimme Helton
2B   Jumpin’ Jack Flash Miller
SS   Bo Bitchette
3B   Let’s Spend Ray Knight Together

LF   She’s like Tim RainesBow
CF   As Tears Go Byron Buxton
RF   Honus Tonkus Wagner

C     Jarrod Saltalamacchia of the Earth

LHP   Pat Misch You, Wes Dead Flowers
RHP   Waiting on Bob Friend, Ruby Tuesday Tyrees, Tumbling Daisuke Matsuzaka

MGR   Paint It, Bud Black