by James Finn Garner
In honor of the first game at the original Yankee Stadium.
A century ago, in the debuth
Of his eponymous stadium, Ruth
Hit the inaugural tater,
Auguring the later
Parade of glory under that roof.
The Limits of Human Vision
by Greg Maddux
You just can’t do it.
Sometimes hitters can
pick up differences in spin.
They can identify pitches
if there are different
release points
or
if a curveball starts
with an upward hump
as it leaves a pitcher’s hand.
But if a pitcher can
change speeds,
every hitter is
helpless,
limited by human vision.
Except for that (expletive) Tony Gwynn.
Do Not Hit Gently into That Ground Out
by Ellen Adair
With apologies to Dylan Thomas
Do not hit gently into that ground out,
The ball should fly, although you’re down today;
Rage, rage against losing in a rout.
Though wise men know they can’t all be Mike Trout,
Because hard contact is most productive, they
Do not hit gently into that ground out.
Ellen Adair is an actor, with recurring roles on shows like “The Sinner,” “Homeland,” and “Bull,” and a contributing analyst to the MLB Network show “Off Base.” Their book of poetry, Curtain Speech, is available from Pen & Anvil Press. They also host the podcasts “Take Me In to the Ballgame” and “Love Takes Action,” and draws baseball players by commission.
MLB All-Artist Team
by Jim Siergey and Jim Garner
1B Duchamp Summers
2B Roberto Kahlomar
SS Ernie Banksy
3B Rubéns Amaro
LF Jackie Rem Brandt
CF AJ Pollock
RF Jake Munch
C Klimt Courtney
LHP Lance Painter, Lefty Hopper, Masanori Murakami
RHP Klee Carroll, Johnny Vander Vermeer
MGR Rothko Baldelli
Artwork by Tommervik.
Holo Cow!
By James Finn Garner
Sung to the tune of “Centerfold” by the J. Geils Band
Stumblin’ down on Rush Street, walkin’ pub to pub
Harry Caray was the idol of every Bleacher Bum
Started in St. Louis, but seduced the owner’s wife
Then Chisox, then the Cubbies — a checkered, blesséd life
Then MLB tries some tricks
During the “Field of Dreams”
And ghostly Harry resurrects
To gasps and chokes and screams….
.   Cub Fan, Bud Man
.   This ain’t worth a tinker’s damn
.   Harry lives in a hologram
.   (Harry lives in a hologram)
.   Cub Fan, Bud Man
.   This ain’t worth a tinker’s damn
.   Harry lives in a hologram
.   (Harry lives in a hologram)
He’s leading the seventh inning stretch, the weak of heart begin to retch
Beer gut missing around his middle, where’s the liver spots, sweat and spittle?
There’s no way to digitize a glorious mess like Harry
Please find some breathing pitchman and let the dead stay buried.
He’s been dead since ’98,
But you could never tell
Thanks, computer science,
But he never looked THIS well…
.   Cub Fan, Bud Man
.   This ain’t worth a tinker’s damn
.   Harry lives in a hologram
.   (Harry lives in a hologram)
.   Cub Fan, Bud Man
.   This ain’t worth a tinker’s damn
.   Harry lives in a hologram
.   (Harry lives in a hologram)
Na na na-na-na-na
Na-na-na nanna na na-na
Na na na-na-na-na
Na-na-na nanna na na-na…